Alans POV
I made a small noise of surprise when I felt Austins lips against mine, something I had been wanting and dreaming about for years now. His lips were soft and warm, just as I thought they would be. I slowly moved my lips in time with his, making small whimpers of pleasure as we kissed. I was glad we were laying down because I might have fell to the ground from the numbing feeling coursing through my whole body at the moment. I pulled away and sat up, crossing my legs underneath me.
“Austin what the fuck was that?”
“I..” he began as he sat up as well.
His eyes shifted around the room trying to avoid my eyes until he saw the small black kitten curled up on the pillow.
“Alan what the hell you got a cat?!”
I looked over with a chuckle and nodded at the sleeping kitten,
“Yeahh, I told you when I walked in. I found her in an ally way. I couldn’t just leave her so I gave her a bath and brushed all her fur out and she just kinda passed out on my pillow”
“Oh, uhm ok.” Austin said furrowing his eyebrows slightly.
The two boys sat in silence for a moment as both their minds went crazy with questions. Best friends for years and they just kissed.
“Austin, seriously. What the hell was that kiss about?” I finally asked in a hushed tone
Austin bit down on his lip as he looked up at Alan finally, sighing softly he shrugged.
“I honestly don’t know..” He finally said.
“What do you mean you don’t know?!”
“I mean.. I don’t fucking know ok?” Austin said in a slightly annoyed voice.
“Whatever Austin” I said bitterly and looked away from him.
“Look Alan, ever since you told me that you liked me. I just. Ive been thinking about everything. it’s a lot to process that your best friend of how many years now? Like five just told you that he loves you. Like I knew you were gay or bi or whatever but I never would of thought you would of like me”
Maybe because it was tearing me the fuck apart everyday I saw you with someone.
“Honestly, how could you not know? I made it so fucking obvious a blind person could see it” I said shaking my head
“I guess Im just stupid or something I don’t know” Austin said with light pink cheeks, obviously being embarrassed that he couldn’t see it but everyone else around them could.
“Then why did you kiss me? Why did you come in here with nothing but boxers on, cuddle up to me and kiss me?”
“Because I wanted to fucking know what it was like ok?! I wanted to know what your lips felt like and if I felt anything back!” He yelled and I cringed slightly from the harsh tone.
There was another silence between the two boys as they just sat there, avoiding each others eyes.
He said he wanted to know if he felt something, that means he had to of felt something before doing it, right?
“Well..” I finally said to break the tension
“Well what?”
“Did you feel something? I need to know because I need to stop wasting my time on you. Crying over you in the middle of the night and hurting myself because Ill never have you. I just.. I need to fucking know Austin. I need to know..” I said softly.
I felt like I was repeating myself when I spoke, but I just. I needed to know. I had the right to know, right?
“Alan, I don’t know.”
“Stop fucking saying you don’t know!”
I finally snapped over Austins comment, standing now I looked down at him on the bed.
“Make up your fucking mind! I cant keep doing this to myself! Its either you have me now or you don’t at all fucking decide right now!” I yelled and I could already feel tears pricking up in the corner of my eyes.
Austin sat there looking down at his hands like a child would when their parents scold them.
“Alan, I just..”
“Fucking spit it out! Im done playing these games Austin fucking tell me how you really fucking feel! Just say it! Fucking say how crazy I am for falling for my best friend or tell me how disgusting it is to like another man! I get it every fucking day now just fucking tell me!” I yelled again and the angry tears began to stream down my face.
I saw Sophie get up and quickly run to my closest to get away from the angry yelling. Austin stood up and looked at me right in the eyes.
“I don’t fucking like you.” he said bitterly.
I looked at him as I could physically feel my heart stop for a second and begin to break from the inside out.
“Then leave me the fuck alone!” I yelled and pushed him back.
“No! You want to know why?!” He said finding his ground back in front of me again.
“Because I fucking love you. I have for so long and I thought it was wrong to love another guy. Especially one that’s your best friend. Its weird and I don’t know what to think but I love you Alan, I fucking love you with every ounce of my being”
The breath in the back of my throat caught causing me to choke slightly on nothing at the words that Austin just said,
Hes lying, how could he love you.
“And Im sorry ok? Im sorry I never told you or never showed it and Im sorry for hooking up with all those girls in the past and hurting you. Im fucking sorry ok?” Austin said, his voice was softer now when he spoke, he looked up at me with sad eyes,
He really did mean it.
“Im sorry…” he whispered and I just nodded.
“Austin, I-”
I got cut off from the small speech I had been thinking about when Austin was talking, only because Austin pushed me up against the wall and kissed me hard. The kind of hard that was full of so much passion and love built up over the years.
I wrapped my legs around his lanky waist and tangled my fingers in his short dark hair as he pushed his tongue inside of my mouth. It tasted like a mixture of alcohols, I just assumed it was from my drinking only a few hours ago.
I pulled away completely out of breath from the small make out session that just happened and looked down at Austin,
“Im going to make sweet love to you” he whispered against my lips and I could just smell the alcohol
He was drunk, he was drunk and probably didn’t mean a single word.
