Austins POV
“Austin Im gay and I love you, I have for a long time and I cant stand seeing you with that girl.” Alan said quickly, as if he really didn’t want to admit it right then.
He, He really does love me, and Im hurting him. I cant stand seeing him like this. But I cant hurt Lauren, just lie, lie to him
“Alan, Im sorry but I don’t feel the same way” I said softly then bit down on my lip so hard I could almost taste blood
Alan just nodded looking down at the ground still.
It hurt just seeing him like this. I should have just told him I feel the same way. But its too late now. I cant.
Alan took in a deep breath and looked up finally, his eyes were puffy and his lip was quivering slightly, like he was about to cry
“Im just gonna go lay down for a little bit. Ill see you soon man” he said finally pushing past Austin and making his way to the spare room that was now his room
“Alan wait” I said trying to grab a hold of Alans arm but he just pulled away from me and kept walking slamming the door behind him.
Austin sighed knowing there was nothing he could do but let Alan be alone and gather his thoughts, its not like he’ll hurt himself or anything, hes not like that
The boy made his way to the couch and falling down on it face down, he pulled his phone out from the tight jeans and decided to text anyone to get his mind off of everything.
“Lets try Shayley first” he said to himself going through his contacts and finding the name marked as ‘Shayco’ and clicking on it
Hey man, you busy?
He typed and laid the phone face down closing his eyes till he felt the vibration from his phone.
Nah, whats up?
Just. A lot going on. Youll never believe what just happened
What happened? And are you ok?
Alan just said he loved me and that he was gay, I never saw that one coming, and im fine I suppose. Just a lot to take in ya know?
Well yeah, you didn’t know? Hes had like the biggest crush on you since like ever really. We used to always talk about you whenever you would hook up with a girl. When Phil wasn’t around I would hold him and just let him cry.
Seriously?
Yeah man, I thought you knew?
No, I never even. Had a clue
Austin turned over laying on his back, brushing his hair back with his fingers.
How could I be so clueless for so long? Am I honestly that fucking stupid? Maybe.
Alans POV
“Im just gonna go lay down for a little bit, Ill see you soon man” I said trying not to completely break down in front of Austin
“Alan please” Austin said, he reached for my arm but I pulled away from him as the tears began to run down my face,
I slammed the door close falling down on the bed and pulling a pillow to my chest, wrapping my arms around it as if my life dependent on it and began to sob uncontrollably. His leg was throbbing where he had just cut Austins name into it. He tried to breathe properly but it was no use, he was crying too hard that everything was blurry from all the tears.
I thought he felt the same way, I thought that if I told him maybe he would tell me too. What am I kidding how could he love someone as disgusting as you. Youre a pathetic excuse for a person.
Alan fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket and typing to Phil, the only person who truly knew how Alan felt towards Austin
Phil, I cant do this. I told him and he said that he didn’t feel the same way, I thought he did then he just flat out said that he didn’t feel the same way. I cant do this anymore I cant handle it
Woah woah woah calm down Alan. What did you say to him
I told him I was gay and that I loved him
Well, that may have scared him shitless. You just gotta give him time. He’ll come around, don’t worry. Why don’t you come out drinking with me and Tino, get your mind off of things
Yeah, I guess so. That would be a good idea. I just need to get away from him.
Meet me at my place in like 20
Alright ill see you there
Alan smiled slightly at the thought of finally getting out of this house
He got up and looked in the mirror wiping away the remaning tears and started to get ready. He decided that the skinny jeans he had on now would go fine with his Pink Floyd shirt. He grabbed his phone from the bed then sprayed on some cologne before grabbing his car keys and opening the door to see Austin laying on the couch with his phone to his face
Probably texting Lauren, his girlfriend, the person you’ll never be
Alan started to quickly walk by needing to get away from him before he broke down again
“Alan?” He heard Austins voice call as he went to open the door, his hand on the handle
I should just go, he doesn’t deserve to know where Im going or if Im ok after what he just did
I slowly began to turn the knob to feel Austins hand on my shoulder turning me around to face him
Youre so gorgeous, I love you so much even though you literally just broke my heart
“Im sorry ok?” Austin said softly
“Is that it? Is that all youre going to say after I just told you something that big? You really need to work on your apologies Carlile" I said bitterly not wanting to hear what he had to say because nothing was going to change how I felt right now.
"Look Im sorry? I cant help that I dont feel the same way towards you but that doesnt mean I like to see you so upset" He responded
You could hear by the tone of his voice that he was starting to get angry, so Alan had to add on to it
"Whatever Austin, I dont care. Im going out with Phil and Tino. It took a lot in my to finally say those words to you and you just stood there like I said nothing. Have fun fucking your girlfriend" I said and opened the door slamming it behind me, a small smile crept up on my face feeling proud for standing up for myself for once.
"I love you too though" Austin said softly to the closed door that once had the boy that he loved stood infront of.
