𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢 - 𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐮

𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐢𝐭

RICKY'S POV

 i couldn't see. well, i mean, i could see, but nothing was registering. buildings went by, but i didn't know what any of them were. signs flew through my vision, but i couldn't understand the words printed on them in a font too big for comfort. this was my home; i knew almost every street and every turn by heart, but in that moment in time, i recognized nothing. 

i felt like i was living outside of my body, transferred somewhere different, and place unknown to me. 

i knew red could tell too by the way he kept side eyeing me as he drove, his gaze nearly judgmental and it was making me the slightest bit uncomfortable. 

red was never good at reading social signals. 

"what did she do to you?" he suddenly blurted out, taking me by surprise. 

a perfect example of red not reading social signals. 

i blinked twice, trying to register the brutally honest sentence.  once again, things weren't registering quite right, so you can bet i was living my best life. "what do you mean?" i wondered. 

"i mean, you're being weird." red muttered sourly. "like you never talked a lot, but you were never silent. you always liked to voice your extreme opinions about the most stupid things like a sign on the road or a speed limit you think should be changed, but you aren't really doing that." he turned right, slowly approaching where my apartment was. i was desperate to get there at this point. "and you are sitting different," he continued to my dismay. "and you are wearing good clothing, and you suddenly have a tattoo and you are holding a cat and i'm beyond confused right now." 

was he wrong? 

absolutely not. nothing there was a lie whatsoever. if my past self could have seen what i was and looked like now, i would've thought everything was a lie. i never saw this coming, but wasn't red the one who got me into this? 

i sighed quietly, leaning my head against the seat of his car and petting missy who was asleep in my lap. "i'm just tired, red. give it a rest." 

i wasn't just tired; i was drained. 

originally, my plan had been to fall asleep on the airplane and forget about everything i was feeling, but that didn't happen at all. instead, i had hid in the farthest back aisle i could, crying my eyes out and listening to sad music on repeat. if you see a common theme here, you are absolutely correct: i am suddenly a cry baby.

am i proud of it? no, i'm not! leave me alone! 

 my eyelids felt so heavy that i was worried they were going to fall any second. plus, my brain was exhausted and my head was pounding from the long flight. i knew i wasn't in shape to hold a decent conversation. 

and i definitely wasn't even in shape to think about her. 

even thinking her name, i started to tear up. it felt like ellie all over again, but somehow harder? if even possible, which i didn't seem it could be.

missy purred against my shoulder as i stroked in between her tiny ears, allowing myself to zone back out in the sound of red's car on the roads of new york, the traffic and bustle of the city surrounding us, yet i felt so far from reality. 

i needed to snap back into it. 

---

"WELCOME BACK, MR.BOWEN!" the loud voices of my staff shouted excitedly as i walked through the doors of my work building, my eyes widening at the sight of the main lobby, which was covered with confetti and a massive poster.