Kicking and screaming...

I went away to a college hoping to bring back a semblance of normalcy to me but I hadn't been normal in so long I didn't even know where to begin. Going to New York University was supposed to change my life for the better and it has.

I ran from everything my pathological

Lying mother, my dead beat father, and my brothers who were the one thing keeping me in my family. But to add it all up I also ran from a lot of love. Love that at one point in my life would have kept me grounded but now breaks me. Being far away has made me strong again. I've found love, heart break and I've found meaning to be just me.

Getting a full ride to college to major in criminal justice and minor in behavioral analysis. Set me free no one had to help me get here or keep me here I left on my own telling barely anyone and leaving behind most. One thing I left was note and a number

'To my loves

Right now your probably up wondering were I am and why I left? But the answer isn't simple and your not gonna be happy about it. I got a scholarship and I needed out. I've stood strong for so long by you all, your my world and my hell. To leave was my freedom.

Understand I love you all beyond words can tell, your my life. But I can't live for you forever I have to live for me too. I'm not perfect and I'm done tryin to pretend I am. To say its your faults wouldn't be completely honest. I held the weight because I knew you all couldn't now I know without me you will survive and this isn't goodbye. This is I will see you soon.

I'm always watching.

Miley XOXO

p.s tell the boys to keep there heads up because if the need me I'm there.'

I left the number to my best friend serenity under each boys pillow told them to be spy's and to call only If completely necessary and she would get me any message and not to tell mama. I knew I could trust serenity to hold it together without me and to be my spy. She was the only one who had my New York 917 number and it was gonna stay that way. She called once a day to talk about them all and to ask about me. She was worried at first when I have her short and to the point answers but now she expects it. She never mentioned Malik and I didn't ask.

Now he got a completely different letter.

'Malik,

Your gonna be mad and your gonna want answers, answers I'm not gonna give you. Knowing you your gonna find this letter punch something and rip it up before the end. So try for the first time and show some restraint.

I've loved you for so Long that saying good bye will never be an end. You'll want to find me, and you'll probably know where to look but I need this time to find out who I am without you. Don't come to me! Leave me alone. Okay... Stay strong and watch my boys grow up while I can't. Take pics smile at them it's not their fault im not there make sure they know that. Watch out for mom, don't let my dad get ahold of her. She'll be weak and needy and want to lean on him, but she cant. You know it.

So be me for a while. I love you so much.

-your miles xoxo'

I had let go of even him, the love of my life. I have found love in New York. But it wasn't the same.

*3years later after Miley said goodbye.*

I walked through Central Park feeling the cool breeze on my cheeks. It's summer my least favorite season of the year. For the fact their was no school and I had nothing to do. I had work but that wasn't fun. I held my iced tea in one hand and the leash to my dog Zeus in the other he was a big boy and I went everywhere with him. I was sipping my tea when I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out it was Serenity.

"Hey Serenity." I said blankly

"Hey miley! How are you?"

"I'm good just walking Zeus."

"Oh fun. Guess who came to see me today?"

"Who?"

"We'll you not so little brothers Mitch and Levit. Levit is getting tall for a 6th grader and Mitch is exited to be a freshmen next year. They told me Drew is gonna make it too third grade an he's still just the same. But then Andrew is being a trouble maker he's lucky to be making it to 5th grade." She said with a laugh. I smiled 'my boys'

"I miss them" I mumbled

Serenity gasped I never slipped saying I missed any of them. She calmed. "Come home. Miley your family misses you. Your mom even got it together, Miley she got a job!" I smiled my mom was working she was trying... "You leaving changed them all, even-"

"DON'T" I yelled I knew she was gonna say his name and its to much to Handel it would break me...

"Okay I won't Miley but it doesn't change the fact that your family misses you. Maybe call me tonight I'm staying over there tonight with all the boys and you know who for game night. Just talk to them." I nodded thinking about it before realizing she can't see me.

"Okay ill think about it. Bye serenity love you." I told her dryly and hung up before she could respond, like always.

I continued to walk Zeus for a little longer before taking him home to our one bedroom apartment. To take a nap.

I woke from my nap to a text, from one of my few friends in New York.

'Hey girl!!! Drinks tonight?'

I thought about It i did need a drink especially since I didn't want to drink alone that wouldn't be fun.

'Ya I'm in pick you up in 20.' I sent before getting dressed and feeding Zeus. And drove off to get wasted!