when jack harlow left louisville, kentucky after high school, he knew he was on to bigger and better things. he only regretted leaving behind one thing - beth, his life-long next door neighbor, his first everything, the girl he could never make his...
After the third time they slept together, Beth's fears were confirmed — she definitely loved Jack. She knew the feeling wasn't mutual and probably never would be, but somehow, she was okay with that. She was content to just be held in his arms in the minutes after they had finished having sex, memorizing the rhythm of his heartbeat. Their entire relationship, if it could even be called that, took place in between her four bedroom walls. In school, Jack still failed to acknowledge Beth. He didn't laugh along with his friends when she passed them in the hallway, but he didn't defend her either. On her sixteenth birthday, which took place almost exactly a month after they first had sex, she asked Jack to let her drive him to school in her new car. He refused, driving off in his own car with several friends in tow.
By the summer, things in their sex life had changed. Beth became convinced that she was no longer the only girl Jack was sleeping with. He wanted to do different things, pull her hair and place his once gentle hands around her neck. Their encounters were no longer slow and intimate. Beth didn't dislike this change at all, but she knew Jack didn't learn these things from her. He was picking them up from other girls at school and just practicing them on her; she was sure of it. Still, she wouldn't even think to confront him about it. It would make her seem too attached. Jack wasn't her boyfriend by any means, and she knew he had no intention of being so. At least she thought she knew so. But one hot July day, the two were sprawled out on Beth's bed, wrapped up in each other's sweaty bodies and listening to the quiet humming of the fan, when Jack looked down at Beth, whose head was resting on his shoulder.
"Beth?"
"Mhm?" she responded, trying to soak in the brief calm that always fell over them after sex.
"I love you."
She removed her head from his shoulder and looked up at him with an expression he couldn't read.
"What?"
Jack felt awkward now. He hadn't told a girl he loved her before and he feared that he had done it wrong.
"You heard me...don't make me repeat it."
Beth scoffed in a way that was out of character and laid down next to him, no longer cuddled up to him.
"You don't love me Jack."
"What? I literally just said I did."
"You're embarrassed to be seen with me. That's not love."
Beth suddenly became very aware of the fact that she was naked and crossed her arms over her exposed chest, despite the fact that she had been naked in front of Jack countless times before.
"It's not like that..."
"It sure as hell feels like it. You would die if any of your friends found out you fuck me."
Jack suddenly became overwhelmed with guilt, but also felt the need to justify his actions.
"Beth, you're just so high strung at school. Maybe if you could just chill sometimes, more people would like you."
She rolled her eyes and nodded her head slowly.
"Thanks for the advice Jack."
"Babe, please. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant if you loosened up, people could see you the way I do."
"Don't call me that."
This was the first time Beth had ever pitched an argument with Jack. She was always afraid that the dynamic between them was so fragile that if she said one thing wrong, it would be over.
"Beth, I love you. I really do. You just don't really fit my image at school."
"Your image? Of course. Mr. up and coming rapper."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. You just want everyone to see you a certain way for your career, and I guess I don't really fit into that."
Jack suddenly felt very defensive. He always thought Beth believed in him, in the career he was trying to build.
"Yeah I mean you don't. All you give a shit about is school and you treat everyone at school who isn't like that like they're not good enough for you."
The two had not made eye contact in several minutes, laying on their backs and looking up at the ceiling.
"You're talking about people not being good enough for me?! What about you? I've never been good enough for you. That's why you hide me."
"I mean it's not like you're my fucking girlfriend or anything Beth, damn."
"Yeah I'm not, so don't tell me you love me. Especially not when you're fucking half the school."
"Half the school?! God Beth you're so dramatic. Just because no one else wants to fuck you doesn't mean you have to be mad that I'm having sex with other people."
Jack regretted what he said as soon as the words left his mouth, but he couldn't take them back. Beth had turned her back to him and he could tell by the slight shaking of her shoulders that she was crying. He placed a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.
"Beth, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I do sleep with other people, but it's not like how it is with you."
These words offered her no comfort.
"Leave," she commanded, still facing the wall with her knees tucked to her chest.
"I meant it Beth, I love you."
"Jack, leave."
He knew there was no point trying to fix this right now, so he did what she wanted and left. Beth thought her life would be complete if Jack loved her back, but now, things couldn't feel any more broken.
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