A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

mates

Here it goes, Ladys and Gens.
After waiting more than 40 chapters for this one...

Enjoy
warning: mature content follows

After we all talked about Keir's actions, I felt calmer. Azriel had his spies out again to look for Ashbury and Leonardo and see if they were acting suspiciously or showing up in the bars of Hewn City. Rhysand and the others were not yet completely convinced of my suspicion that Keir was experimenting on people, yet they seemed to have accepted it as a way to go. I was glad that they had listened to me and knew how strained everyone was now to get back to work. Maybe my information wasn't much, but it still seemed to give us something, especially since we had learned a second name from Keir inner circle and the situation was slowly coming to a head. I hoped I wouldn't have to go back to the Hewn City too soon, Keir would certainly be on the lookout for me and I wasn't eager for him to take me under his clutches again. Despite that, there was one more thing I had to tell Rhysand.
Most had already left, but Rhys and Feyre were still with me and Az on the opposite sofa as we talked at length about Keir's theories.
'I think there's a rebellion brewing', I finally said, when there was a small pause. Rhysand's eyes became concerned, but I quickly continued the thought.
'One that will fight for you Rhys.'
I sensed the questions welling up in the others and allowed them to speak them.
'What makes you so sure of that?'
It was Azriel who had spoken first. He was still sitting next to me on the sofa, his hand he had put on my thigh and I was going mad when he had started to knead it. Still, I had kept my composure and had not fallen into the dirty thoughts that this act brought out in me.
'When Keir had left, along with the ambassador, two of his guards were still in the room. I had already braced myself for them to continue and not come to my aid, but after a short while they simply stopped. Someone helped me, and it was someone who detested the situation in Hewn City as much as we did. I'm not sure how or when he got into the room, but he freed me and knocked out the two guards for a while, with little stun darts, I think. He helped me escape. And when I was sitting with him at the bar before; he seemed like a sincere man, he even defended women's rights and said that he hated the way the men acted here, like they were the ones in power. And I don't think he was alone. The way he snuck up and knocked out the soldiers, it seems to me like he had practice at what he was doing. I think that somewhere in the depths of Hewn City he is laying low, trying to overthrow Keir or the corrupt ways of his actions and that many will follow his example. When I lived in the Hewn City at the time, there were some people who did not subscribe to Keir's views. And he knew about the man, too. Somewhere he seems to have spies, too. And I'm sure he'll stand by you when the time comes.'
Rhysand had a searching look on his face, but I could also see the small glimmer of hope in it. It would be good to have more allies, and that inside the Hewn City would be the perfect place to destroy Keir from the inside.
'What's his name?'
'I don't know.'
'Where did he go when he freed you?'
'I don't know that either.'
'Then how are we supposed to reach him if we don't even know if he's safely in Hewn City?'
I bit my lip, hating the idea even now as it jumped into my mind. But if he really was a potential ally, then it would be good to make contact with him. And he would only do that with someone he already knew, someone he had already saved and redeemed from his suffering.
'I could go back, you know? He would recognize me and maybe make contact-'

But Azriel had jumped up from my side and fury filled his face as he spoke.
'Are you serious? You want to go back to where they did that kind of stuff to you, alone? Shortly after you escaped Keir, you want to go back to the Hewn City and face him so you can keep getting whipped, all for a guy you don't even know?'
'It would get us somewhere and maybe we could finally get some closure', I thought, realizing I was getting up too.
'Besides, I can take care of myself too, I'm not bold enough to go to Hewn City without covering myself, do you think I'd be stupid?'
'What if you get caught despite that? What if he gets you in spite of that and the guy was just a sham to begin with? God, weigh all the possibilities that are forming here. He doesn't have to be your friend, maybe he'll expect something from you for helping you, maybe another bargain? Are you even capable of realizing the full extent of what will unfold if you go through with this? Are you even ready to face all that awaits you there?'
'What is your problem anyway? I'm just trying to help! You taught me everything I know. Why don't you trust me when I tell you that he is most likely our greatest potential ally; don't you think I should at least take a chance and risk it?'
'Do you ever think about us?', Azriel exclaimed, ruffling his dark hair.
'How do you think we'll fare if you risk everything and maybe even lose your life on this mission? How do you think we'll feel about it? You have to be so damn stubborn all the time and don't even let the consequences cross your mind, you just interfere in what's going on like it's nothing and don't even bother to tell us what you're going through!'
'Maybe I don't want that!', I shouted and looked him in the eyes, anger reflected in both of us.
'Don't you think I think about you every day when you're away because I'm afraid of losing you? Don't you think I'm afraid of losing each of you, trying to save someone like me? God, I already lost everything once, I don't want to do it again, ever! Because I know what it's like, and if it means you're safe, then I don't give a shit if you know what I'm going through or not', I said, stepping up to him, 'because at least then I know you can go on living if I go down. Then I know you still have hope for something better than I could ever offer you-'
'You're my fucking hope. Think of me. Think of me, I've waited centuries for you and then you tell me you want to go back to the place where Keir tortured you almost to death? And then you don't care how I feel? God damn it I die with you when you die because I will never be the same when my mate dies, so don't tell me you don't give a shit if I go down with it too. Tell me-'