Poe's revenge (part 2)

I'm so fucking done writing this help

Ranpo was in tears after what Dazai had just told him.

"I'm...PREGNANT?!" He yelled.

"Keep your voice down! But yes, I've concluded you're pregnant."

"How would you know...?"

Dazai suddenly turned his head away. Just like in any other tv show, a dark shadow covered his face.

"You see...I was pregnant before."

"Last time I checked, you had a dick."

"Well I thought I was an alpha top, but apparently I'm a bottom. So I got pregnant..."

Ranpo felt uneasy knowing this information, but he wanted to find out more.

"Who got you pregnant then and how did you solve the problem...?"

"Chuuya...some deranged white ass looking bitch came up to me and suggested that we have sex. So we all had a threesome. But since she was a witch, she was unaffected. I found out I was pregnant, so I ripped out the fetus with some pliers, hence why I got these."

He waved the pliers in the air and Ranpo's face went pale.

"Is...is that it?"

"But I didn't know I was pregnant with twins. So I only removed one fetus. Ever wonder why I act so fatherly towards Atsushi?"

"Wait...are you saying..."

"Yep, he's my son. He got his ass from Chuuya."

"He doesn't have an ass."

"Exactly"

Ranpo sat down on the floor and put his hands in his face. How could this happen? Did Poe get him pregnant? No, couldn't possibly be. He was sure that he was a switch and so was Poe. They even got tested. Then he remembered something. Suddenly, his detective abilities came back.

"Dazai...I think I have a uterus!"

"How so?"

"Poe was being oddly nice to me after I had sex with Karl. It seemed like he wanted to get me pregnant on purpose. If I'm a switch and so is he, then we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Unless...I HAVE A UTERUS AND A VAGINA!"

"You didn't even notice you had a vagina?!"

"I don't like looking at myself naked, ok?"

"Well, are you going to make me use the pliers?" Dazai asked.

"No need, Pregzai...I must end what Poe has started on my own terms..."

Ranpo took a deep sigh as he looked at his hand. He knew what he must do next. Dazai watched in horror as Ranpo ripped out the fetus with his own hands. Blood and vaginal juices got everywhere until he was finished. The brunette stared at what had just happened.

"The pliers were sterilized, dude-" Said Dazai.

"You could have told me that before I started!" Cried Ranpo.