Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

letter nine

To my one and only Sim Jaeyun,

In the last day, you came over to me and apologized before you pulled me into a corner.

I didn't know what to say, but soon enough my arms were wrapped around your shoulders, you tried choking your words out but I caressed your back, telling you it was okay to tell me now.

It was okay to tell me now this would be the last time we would see each other.

And that would be okay, I would learn to accept it when the time comes.

So whimpers and sobs escaped from your mouth as I cradled your head in my lap when we get onto an empty classroom. My chin touched your head as I closed my eyes and tried to be strong before whispering how much you mean to me.

You kept on apologizing and you told everything you said to me in our last session was true. I could feel your tears touch my skin but I didn't mind.

You were back into my eyes even if it would be the last time. At least I'm with you, I wanted to be with you like this forever, and I felt so happy to hear you say that you love me for real.

You pulled open your bag and there I saw it, the passport, the last evident of you leaving me finally in only a matter of time.

I sat there in shock, you shifted closer to me and looking into my eyes, hoping I would say something but I was quiet.

What can I say to the face of a screaming farewell in front of me?

I wanted to hate you for only showing me love when it's already too late and our time to be together is limited. I wouldn't even have the chance to know you more, to know what it felt like to be cared and loved everyday by Sim Jaeyun.

But the way you rested your head agaisnt my shoulder made me love you more. I ran my fingers over your cheek, and I could see it in your eyes, what you felt for me was real.

You meant those eight letters up in the lighthouse.

It was real, everything about us was real.

So I whispered that it didn't matter, that I'm already contented to see you in the last day, that you were still mine to begin with. You begged for forgiveness but I told you there was nothing to be sorry about.

In fact, I was thankful that you let me inside your world and allowed me to love you in your most vulnerable state.

And for me, that's enough to prove how much you love me.

Apparently, tommorow morning would be your flight with your family, you told me that you wouldn't want me to go there or else, I would make it difficult for you to leave.

You didn't tell me it would mean the end for us permanently. The thing is,  you didn't tell me you got accepted at Bighit and that's why after that day, you cut us of our only connections.

So I realized a few days after, it's the last time I held you in my side and I don't want you to leave.

You see it in the way it took so long for me to let go of your hand. Maybe it took minutes or even an hour, I don't know how long.

All I know is that it was the painful thing I've ever done in my life.

That is, to let go of you and knew that there would be no returning back the moment you waved to me for the last time.

You mouthed I love you with a sweet smile before you finally took the final step in the way out to my life.

Hopefully, I'll be able to see you again and maybe then, I could finally smile for it was gone the moment you left.

There's one thing you should know, that there will be a piece of you in me always and I'm grateful for that.

But if one day, you think of coming back to me, I'll still be here in Brisbane, waiting for your return.

Sincerely yours,
Y/N L/N