Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

note three

Dear Diary,

Today was rather okay. Nonetheless, it progressed well. I threw up all my food because my digestive system has not been the same since Thankfully, the nice school nurse who already got the information from my own doctor spotted me and bring me up to the clinic to clean up.

I felt bad because she was almost crying for my case. She keeps telling me to fight and I can't answer anything even though I wanted to say something.

I wanted to say something in the past few months that's all I ever heard from my family and that every night, I could hear my mom crying to my aunts about my deteriorating health.

And everyone who visits in the house is suddenly ten times nicer when they didn't before.

I guess Anne Frank was right about her quote that regret is heavier than gratitude.

Jake saw me again today exiting the clinic, almost teary-eyed from the nurse pity on me. I was kind of embarassed but he asked me if I was okay. I didn't answer, so he just awkwardly walk away in hesitation.

What I want to say though is, I don't know. I just threw up my whole breakfast of a single wheat bread down the toilet after my first subject.

After I left the clinic, the adviser let me skip school for the day and my mom picked me up. I hated the way she went as far as giving me a hand to climb in the car as though I was already in capable of such big movements.

But just like before, I didn't say a thing and you know, wanted to at least have her be happy in my last days, for her to feel that she'd done enough to make it easier for her daughter.

So that she can live on with no regrets after I passed on in this world.

Today after I got a shower, when I told them I wished to go at the beach with the famous lighthouse, they immediately agreed and in no time, we were already there.

If they're out for a swim, I'm out for the whole appreciation of the view.

Can you imagine how beautiful and cliche it sounds? You started to appreciate things more and closer in your heart when you knew it would be the last.

It was beautiful indeed. The sun rays glimmering down the ocean, giving it a more fantastic view from my perch at the top of the lighthouse.

I was alone for an hour until I heard a footsteps behind me and someone clearing their throat. I almost stumble in my feet after seeing him there, holding a fishing kit in his hand and he was looking at me in shock as well.

But when we stared at each other for rather too long, he seemed rather rigid before asking.

"Why do you ask that question to me? Aren't you scared of dying?"

I guess the question caught me off-guard because it was so serious and reality based. It shouldn't even be coming from him who doesn't know what I was going through. I told him my answer, the answer I never told anyone.

"Death isn't something we're supposed to be scared of. It was only up to you if you'll either have a bad or beautiful end. Life here in this universe is full of regrets, mistakes and grudges, but isn't it better to forgive and live life to the fullest instead?"

Jake seemed dumbfounded and after that, he wore an unsure smile in his angelic face. The thing only missing is the halo on top of his head.

He then said, "Why do you talk like you were the one dying?"

If only he knew and if only I had that much courage to tell him the truth, he would be prepared but I didn't.

Instead, I replied, "Isn't everybody dying a little everyday?"

Sincerely Yours,

Y/N L/N

P.S - after that, he ditched me to go fishing or else, there's no dinner for him. That's what he said.