Henriad (History Plays, Book 5)

13: the earth shook to see the heavens on fire

Oddcastle

There is a limit to the amount of emotional children that should interrupt my hangover. I don't know what it is, but I personally think that it would be best off less than one.
"Harry, I'm going to find you an actual therapist---oh hell, it's one of you," I open the door to see a weedy looking little tiny pale vampire looking child with his little tiny hands over his ears, standing at the door to the gym. He was rapping on the door and now he's put his hands back over his ears when I was sort of shouting. He winces as well. Not another delicate child, no, I've already got Ned.
"Is Harry here?" he asks, softly.
"No, but he soon will be I warrant you, come on in," I say, ushering the boy in. "What's your name? I know I should remember, but I do not."
"Edmund," he says, coming in and sitting down, taking his hands off his ears tentatively.
"Edmund, does anyone know you're here?" I ask, tiredly.
"I'm looking for Harry. I'm worried about him."
"Harry isn't to be worried about, lad. Be concerned for the world while Harry's in it," I say, pouring myself a drink.
"Do you work for Harry?"
"I suppose, I prefer to say I work for his father it sounds less horrible, but we will leave it," I say, shrugging.
"Do you sell pills?" he asks.
"I decline to answer on the ground that it tends to incriminate me?"
"Do you have any for helping people not have nightmares?" he asks, quietly.
"No I---no I don't sell pills like that I don't sell pills at all no. You need a doctor for those sort of pills," I say, sighing.
He glares at me a little, "What's your name?"
"Sorry, Oddcastle. I'm a friend of your Harry's," I say, I don't hold out a hand because it's very obvious the little child is frightened of everything.
He frowns and says nothing.
"Do you want some cake?" I ask.
"Is it chocolate?"
"Yeah, course it is here, you go see what you can find in the fridge."
"No, thank you."
"Why'd you ask if it was chocolate then?"
"Curious."
"Heavens protect me," I sigh.

Henry

"Here, we have another box checked, at this rate we'll be chatting within the week," I say, showing Joan the chart that is clearly effective and she didn't think it was. I hand her the photographs, "You vote, do we embarrass him with these because it's good training for him or do we shred the lot?"
"Shred them, that's awful. I can't believe he took them like that; that's creepy, they're only being kids," she says, as she looks through them, "How long was he there?"
"I know right? Harry, hates this fellow by the way," I say, going back to my desk.
"Poor Harry, are you going to talk to him about it?" she asks.
"No, I'm sure we will not get there! I also do not want anymore information about who the boy kisses or fucks we have a rule between us do not interfere with whom the other wants to kiss or fuck except I can break that rule if so choose because I'm his dad and never gets to break the rule," I explain.
She laughs.
"What? Okay, so tell me how he can complete a row," I say, rubbing my face.
"On this chart I'm saying we shouldn't be using anyway?"
"Yes that one."
"Do crack, kill a man, start a mafia syndicate, or invade Lithuania I don't know why that's there don't explain it," she says.
"Nice, right, okay so I'm gonna call Ned's mother again, maybe he went back there," I sigh, "Actually, can you do it? She's afraid of me and apparently Harry prank calls her pretending to be me all the time."
"Yeah, I will," she says, rubbing my back, "Can you ask that man to destroy these? Or the film or whatever?"
"If the boy didn't want to be photographed he shouldn't have been getting drunk in a bar and kissing his boyfriend while standing on a table," I say, exasperated.
"Yeah, he's sixteen, and stupid because he's sixteen, the man shouldn't have been taking his picture like that; it's just weird."
"He did it to bring them to me. He delights in his Harry being obedient and likable compared to my dumpster fire of a first born child," I say, putting my head down on my desk, "Stupid idiot boy."
"You know one of these days you're going to need to follow that up with 'I wouldn't trade him for the world', because it's true and he needs to know it."
"He needs a hole in the head."
"Henry."
"Yeah, all right, next time I see Percy I'll ask him to destroy the photographs not now I'd sooner not show my hand. I'm doing something complicated," I say, picking up my head and turning on my laptops.
"Like what?"
"Like go occupy yourself I'm working."
"This is the man that Harry doesn't like. I did follow that."
"Yeah, bye."
"Henry Bolingbroke-Lancaster you're testing this Percy aren't you?"
"I test people constantly. I'm just subtler about it than my son," I say, smiling charmingly, "As I said, I'm doing something complicated, so go along."
"I'm going to look for Harry."
"I'm not suggesting it. I don't suggest people spend time around him."
"Cut that out!"
"I will not. I'm going to be cross with him for a while longer yet."