Henriad (History Plays, Book 5)

14: in his secret doom out of my blood

Harry

"Do you have any plans for the night?" Ned asks, coming into the gym, still in his Globe Prep uniform. Naturally, I was not at school.
"Nope, just finished something up, why?" I say, frowning. I was going to get drunk, but I'm sure what he's thought of is better.
"Want to prank Oddcastle? I've got an idea but it takes two," he says.
"I'm listening."
"You know how he does collections tonight?"
"I'm in; you got the disguises?"
"In the trunk, let's go."

Henry

"Dad, make Harry stop," Thomas comes in, nearly crying. He's half in his hockey gear and all sweaty. I don't get why he didn't change at least partway in the car but he is a dramatic child.
"What's he done lately?" I ask, picking up a marker and going to my chart.
"I said I didn't want him coming to hockey since he doesn't even like it and he's team captain and he's annoying, but now he's had Coach Bill arrested," Thomas sighs, miserably.
"Mhmmm, looks like I'll be talking to him shortly," I say, making a mark on the board.
"He's doing it to bother me so I'll bother you you realize that?" Thomas asks.
"I'm well aware, I have a system," I say.
"Harry-transgression-bingo isn't a good system dad," Thomas glares at me.
"Ah, fucking is, because I am not emotionally ready to talk to him yet. You can go skate on the pond if you want to skate, get your brothers," I say, shrugging. I'd sooner they do that I can watch them out the window anyway.
Thomas sighs and just leaves.
"Wear helmets if you do that though," I call after him. He doesn't answer.

Oddcastle

When I return to Eastcheap I'm well shaken, and sweating already. The old Harry is in bed the young one has no need to question me he's been well removed from his father's enterprises. This isn't technically my fault but I shall be blamed I'm sure. ah my life is cheap now.
Of course the boy is here and awake when I return. Of course he is.
"Well, how goes it Oddcastle?" Harry asks, nursing a beer I'm sure belonged to me. Ned leans against him, half drunk.
"Good evening, I'm off to bed," I say, attempting to walk past them.
"No, stay a minute, where is the money from your collections tonight? I may as well go over the books," Harry says, holding out a hand regally.
"Ah, now—that's the thing—and it's actually a very uncanny story you're going to be entertained---" I say, holding my hands, "Interestingly enough I don't---actually—have it---oh you assholes."
They of course collapse giggling when I'm barely halfway through the speech.
"What do you know? That was thousands of dollars, you can't---oh you idiots," I sigh.
The boys hug each other, laughing and sobbing they're laughing so hard.
"You did not—"
"If you hadn't been so drunk you may have recognized us," Harry laughs, fetching the money from his jacket and tossing the envelopes to me, "Lock that up now."
"You do realize you do these things to me and I'll actually be accosted and robbed by some tall long limbed fellow with a funny accent and I'll get shot because I'm saying things like 'not now Harry' and trying to walk away?" I ask, trying to stop sweating, and smothering how actually cross I am. Jesus, these kids need an actual occupation.
"An entertaining enough way to die," Harry says, unapologetically.
"Fuck both of you, and stealing my beer when I most need it," I say, tiredly, "I am actually going to bed or have you stolen that as well?"
"No, we're done I swear," Harry laughs, leaning on Ned drunkenly.
I sigh, leaving them. I'd warn them off driving home or anything when they're this drunk but I'm quite done with them for the moment. That boy needs to go back to school. Or his actual father needs to take charge of him. Something.

Henry

Harry does not return that night. Nor the next. The other children quit daring to ask after him. I get reports that he's at Eastcheap, but the boy does not return to school. It riles me but not as much as his presence. He's intentionally testing my patience and it's for him to apologize to me so we're leaving it. I'm well aware we're as stubborn as the other Joan has told me.
Yet every time the phone rings I get some hope it's him. If it is him then he can return himself home and I can be properly annoyed with him. But we do need to have it out. And yet he does not call.
"Hello?" it's an unknown number so I have something like hope that it could be him this time. I sit at my desk working, as usual, it's early morning and the children who aren't Harry are at school.
"Fuck you, Harry," Eve's voice is shaking.
"For one, it is me and not my son, for another I told you not to call me," I growl, prepared to hang up.
"Fuck you as well then," she hangs up.
I frown at the phone. More than likely she was high she sounded it. I have more than enough to deal with.

Harry

"Do I even get to know why?"
"Hush Oddcastle—ignore him, he's fine," I say, leading Ned and my German au pair girl into the gym. I am carrying Eddie because he cried for the others.
"You can get settled with the baby upstairs. Credit card, for anything the two of you might need," I say, switching to German, handing the Hilda the card and letting her take the baby.
"Yes, sir," she says, taking my little brother from me.
"I mean, it's a new level, give him that," Ned says.
"Yeah I know—do I get to know where you got this kid and why it's here?"
"CPS picked him up last night, he's in my custody now pending a paternity test and since I'm not living at home I'm living here, he and Hilda are living here," I explain again. It really isn't that complicated.
"Dare I ask if your old dad knows about this?" Oddcastle asks.
"'Course he doesn't," I scoff.
"What are we calling him?" Ned asks, clearly becoming emotionally attached.
"I don't know, like I said I'd prefer not Edmund because we've got an Edmund we already have enough people about responding to the same name. The time Joan cried 'Harry' and both my father and I responded cost us both massive mental damage," I say.
"I like the name Skander. I always have and I won't get to have children because I'm going to be a priest," Ned says.
"Okay, fine then. I don't really have a preference you might want to go tell his au pair though—"
"Okay back up, so, okay, no, where is this child's mother?" Oddcastle asks.
"In prison on drug charges, she'll get visitations I've just decided this is a better environment for the lad," I say, innocently.
"Yeah, but you're not doing this out of the goodness of your heart I've fucking met you," Oddcastle says, folding his arms, "You do nothing without motives."
"I'd sooner raise the boy myself than have him attempt to steal my empire when he matures, there, that's it, it's still a good motivation albeit a selfish one," I say, "Satisfied?"
"Slightly, as you do nothing that isn't for yourself," Oddcastle says, darkly.
"I kiss Ned for free," I say, pathetically because it is true.
"You kiss me because you want me to put in a good word for you in Heaven," Ned says.
"I mean, that's there as well, also we don't know that you're getting there before me."
"I pray though so I can still put in the word."
"Oh yeah, thanks mate."
"Ridiculous boys, how am I supposed to sleep with an infant here?"
"Booze?" Ned says, incredulously.
"Okay, is that what we're going with? Skander? I'll draw up the papers," I say, going to my laptop.
"Call him Harry?" Ned says, amused.
"Ah, no. We have more than enough people about responding to Harry also when and if I have a son I have to call him Harry for reasons my father is obsessed with due to the entire history of England apparently, as well as Wales, as well as why French people are horrible and something to do with Jerusalem, no, if I do have a boy then he's been conscripted for about a hundred years to be another Henry or Harry," I say, "Fine, if you like Skander I'll put that down I'm already doing it as you said you might not get the chance to pick another name."
"You both say that like this is the last time you're going to steal a bloody baby," Oddcastle says.
"Hope springs eternal. I'm prepared to repeat it but I don't have to to be fulfilled," I say, shrugging, "I don't know why you're so morose about this thing you have no control over nor say in. We're clearly doing the little lad a favor, he's better off here than in a drug house."
"Better off in a front business for illegal drugs?"
"Yeah, it's a step up."