Henriad (History Plays, Book 5)

16: on the nice hazard of one doubtful hour

Joan

"So, I don't really know what to do here my fiancé—well future husband—well I guess fiancé, thinks I need to come so can we just sit in quiet for a minute?" I ask, sliding into the confessional box, "I'm not even really Catholic so I don't think it fits for me."
"That's fine, I suppose, though it may help to talk about—whatever your husband wanted you to talk about?"
"No, I'm good. Really. Good."

Pippa

"I tried to commune with the dead. Specifically my dead mother, but the dead in general that's a sin right? So I'm confessing." I say, piling into the confessional eagerly, "Also I really like fire. I've been setting fires. And I punched a girl in my school because I don't like her face."
"Yes, it is sinful to---- the fire is not technically a sin though--?"

Blanche

"I tried to commune with the dead, well, may have succeeded," I say, sitting down, "I'm saying I'm sorry, but I also might do it again."
"Oh—kay then? You really aren't repentant."
"Correct, not really. Also I broke into lockers at school and I've been stealing erasers and reselling them. As well as Pokemon cards."
"That's a sin as well."
"Also, I'm probably gonna continue doing that."

Thomas

"I haven't done anything. I don't do wrong things really. Well, I lied to my dad, and I sneaked out. And I want to hit someone with my hockey stick I guess that counts," I say, leaning back in the confessional glad Harry's gonna go last for once.
"Yes that ...that does count, my child."

Edmund

"I'm guessing you get this a lot but I tried to commune with the dead," I say, taking out one headphone for this.
"No, just today, I just get that a lot today," so tiredly, "Your sins are forgiven, was that the only thing you did?"
"Not remotely, sir, but I don't feel like talking about the others yet."

Jon

"Hello, guess what I've done this week, father?" I ask, sliding into the booth happily. I love this time of the week. So relaxing.
"You tried to commune with the dead?"
"No, good guess though, also sounds like fun maybe that'll be next week how do you commune with the dead?" I ask, eagerly. See? Fun little chats these I don't know why the others complain.
"Not—not important what was this week?"
"I built a bomb."
"You WHAT now?"
"I took it back apart I wasn't gonna put it in my school when anyone was there! I just was worried about a test but don't worry I took it back apart but I'm figuring that's a sin."
"Yes. Yes my child that is a sin."

Rey

"I'm so sorry father," I say, sitting down and looking contrite like I'm supposed to.
"And what are your sins?"
"I tried to commune with the dead."
"Of course you fucking did."
"I don't think you're supposed to swear. Also I need to tell you I've been printing counterfeit hall passes for petty cash. I've gotten really good at it. I'm going to start forging report cards next. I'm not repentant but if you need anything forged I'm really good at it."
"Just get out, whichever Lancaster you are--- just out. Now."

Harry

"So, I kissed a future priest. I did a lot of other things to and I plan on still doing cocaine, but the really big thing I should tell you about is where I kissed a future priest," I say, hitting my head on the way into the confessional.
"You what now?" choking on something I guess water.
"I kissed a future priest. And I enjoyed it. And I'm definitely gonna do it more in the future if he wants me to."
"You didn't try to commune with the dead?"
"No, that's oddly specific, but no. I really just kissed a future priest and by kissed I mean for upwards of an hour, on multiple occasions—with tongue---how much detail do you need in order to forgive me?"
"Less than that."

Ned

"I'm going to be a priest but I kissed the most beautiful boy ever, next to me, I am prettier than him, but still," I sigh, "I liked it as well and I'm going to be honest I will completely do it again but it can't be a sin can it? Not if it felt that right?"
"Why are you even asking me if you're going to do it again?"
"Because I want to have an intelligent discussion about this I've prayed, but I still really want to kiss him again that's not unchaste is it? I mean Jesus kisses people in the Bible who cares if tongues are involved or not?"
"Are you going to keep talking about this even if I don't agree with you?"
"Yeah, definitely, I need to work through it."

Henry

"So, I know I've asked you this before, but is it possible my oldest child is either possessed or some sort of demon? I mean, he's definitely not anything to do with me. I really don't get why he's like this? I mean you had him in here you heard him, getting drunk, kissing a future priest," I scoff.
"Why don't we talk about you?" he sounds worn out.
"Oh, I'm definitely dying, and I'm living in sin with a pagan but that's not actually my fault because I've not married her due to schedule conflicts I plan on marrying her so the sleeping with her is really sort of beside the point. I'm more concerned about my son," I say.
"Why only that one? There are like six others that aren't any better?" he sighs.
"What've they done? Lately, you can tell me I'm their father—also I do need to confess taking out my anger on my children namely my oldest son but he really absolutely deserved it he had a notebook about my death and he kissed a future priest."
"Will you, please, not say the words 'kissed a future priest' again that would help me here? And go back to where you thought you were dying?"
"I'm definitely dying that's why I need to talk about my Harry who kissed a future priest."