KARMA

4. THE NEIGHBOURS

"You guys are early," Susan gushes, beaming. "Come in. Max will be out in a minute. He popped upstairs to change."

"This is for you." I pass her a bottle of vintage red wine. "Your favorite."

"Thank you. Lisa, you look beautiful --- and Ryan, gosh, you look positively dashing!"

Ryan laughs, a little too loud, a little too long, and I wonder why I was so blind this whole time. It's so obvious from the way her eyes linger on him, tilting her face flirtatiously toward him, that she is besotted with him. Standing too close to him, her hip brushing his, her little finger trailing down his palm. Blink, and you'd miss it. Two days ago, I wouldn't have noticed them, these miniscule gestures, these quaint little tokens of intimacy. But tonight, I am primed, a she-wolf, nostrils flaring, heckles quivering at fever-pitch; a raw, bleeding creature, watchful and ready, hungry for the evidence of the affair, readying my heart to be ripped asunder.

I see everything. I question everything. I suspect everything.

It is as I have woken up from a long, deep slumber.

She's batting her eyes at him now, holding his gaze, slapping his arm, her laughter rumbling, shaking her head, giggling, Oh, God, that's so lame, you silly man, you, as he makes a joke. I watch her, watch him, his face filled with pleasure; hers flustered, animated, alive.

Susan is the last woman I would have expected my husband to have an affair with. Plain, my mother used used to say pityingly. So different from you, darling.

She never stood out, not in high school, not in uni. Guys weren't interested in her.

Unlike me.

Moths to a flame, my grandmother used to chuckle, watching the procession of boys who came to my doorstep with presents ---- chocolates, flowers, tickets to the movies, soft toys for my birthday.

I was beautiful then, and I am beautiful now.

Five foot five, blonde, and slender. Blue eyes. Red lips and perfect, white teeth to match.

And it's all me, all authentic.

You were born beautiful, my mum used to say. Beauty runs in the family. My mum was a Miss Yorkshire runner-up back in her heydays, and my aunt Helen, my mum's elder sister, was a finalist in the World Miss Pageant back in '72. I have never joined any beauty contests, but was voted Prom Queen in high school.

Guys would stutter and turn red when I smiled at them.

Grown men still blush when I talk to them.

Susan is my polar opposite in looks. Height-wise, she is shorter than me by a head. She comes up to my shoulders. She is curvier than me, with bigger hips, even though her boobs are smaller than mine, surprisingly. My hair is long and blonde, hers is short and auburn. My eyes are blue, hers are brown.

I wonder if Ryan started an affair with her because she's so different from me.

Or perhaps, he just craves adoration.

Susan has always worshipped Ryan. She was his best friend in high school. They hung out together until the day a new girl transferred to the school.

Me.

He told me he fell in love with me at first sight.

We hung out together, the three of us, until one day, it became just the two of us.

That was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, we told Susan, and she smiled, even though her eyes were sad, and said she was happy for us. But eventually, she stopped hanging out with us, she said it was awkward, and she didn't want to be the unwanted third. And so, Ryan and I became exclusive. We were immersed in our own little bubble. We didn't want her to tag along. We were exploring our new giddy feelings for each other. And not too long after, our bodies, too, became a wondrous source of delight and mytery and pleasure. Susan was our friend, but Ryan and I --- we were a couple. And so, she was left behind.