My Tourmaline

Chapter Twenty Four

We both sat on the opposite sides of the sofa, facing each other. My heart began pounding out my chest; why was I so nervous? Was he finally going to answer all my floating ignored questions?

"Start from scratch. What's the deal here?" I gestured between the two of us.

A silence lingered between us as he failed to make eye contact with me. Instead, taking a large swig of his glass of wine, eventually finishing it off and placing it on the table. I mirrored his actions, finishing off my glass. I needed the alcoholic boost to get me through this conversation.

"I know I should leave you be, pretend we never happened. But thats my issue...I try and stay away from you, but im incapable of leaving you alone, dont you get that?" He stuttered, finally looking up to me with a hint of vulnerability.

I didn't know what to say in response, so I just sat there with a blush slowly filling my cheeks, the wine flushed face not helping with the situation.

"I thought I was comfortable with you being my girlfriend, but as soon as all my friends and vast amounts of people starting showing up, I didn't want to be seen with you."

"So.. you're embarrassed of me?"

"No of course not! That's not it at all Lil, I promise. If anything I'm surprised you aren't embarrassed when you're with me! The people there, they know what I'm like! And I didn't want them corrupting your view of me when I haven't even let my barriers down to you yet. My work and everything about me is complicated and if I get someone too involved then it'll all go to shit. I never have girlfriends, I dont fall in love with people I don't like that shit.. I'm.. I'm not explaining myself well here."

He scratched the back of his neck, frustration etched all over his face. He could obviously tell from my reaction that he was continuing to dig himself a very large hole. Tears brimmed my eyes with the help of the wine enhancing my feelings, but I know I have to take advantage of our open conversation despite it making me upset.

"Why did you abandon me at the party when I told you not to do exactly that?! You introduced me as your girlfriend when we were out yet when I tried to explain this to your friends they laughed in my face. How do you think that made me feel Harry?"

"Pretty shit I should imagine."

"Exactly! And then you announced to me you were off to fuck someone, it felt like you had just punched me right in the stomach.. You are.."

"..Hey!! Don't go acting all innocent when you were led practically naked playing tonsil tennis with my best friend! Do you know how angry that made me? Seeing you with him like that?"

He looked angry and hurt, something I thought I'd never see coming from such a person like him. I didn't know what to say, instead I put my head in my hands and started crying. I didn't want to look weak, I wanted to prove to him that I can be strong and have the upper-hand in this conversation. Because I'm not in the wrong am I?

He breathed out a long sigh, "Please don't cry. I want to talk, tell me how you're feeling please?" He made no effort to give me any affection, just continued to sit opposite me with his pained expression.

I removed my hands from my face, wiping away my tears. "I feel like I have no idea what's going on. I've fallen for you so quick, yet I hardly know anything about you. Niall opened up to me more than you did, why is that?"

"I bet he fucking did." He replied, his pupils dilating at the mention of his close friend.

"HARRY ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!" I couldn't help but shout, and I know in normal circumstances I wouldn't dare. God bless you wine confidence, god bless you.