[Ongoing] A collection of unsettling or unusual short stories. Some have monsters, some have humor, some draw tears, some make you think, and some have artwork. Each is a revealing glance of someone's life.
Every writer has their own methods of comi...
Original story below, but you can find a revamped version in my collection "The Joke's on Me: and six other twisted stories of absurdity and regret", available on Amazon!
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The only reason I did it was because I thought it’d be funny. People prank new employees all the time, don’t they? And it wasn’t like I expected her to fall for it, I just wanted us to break the ice and share a few laughs. Working at this gas station convenience store was slow, especially after midnight, and I just wanted to leave her in good spirits.
I was alone in the store that evening, bored out of my mind as I waited for the new girl Mr. Sahir told me to train. As I daydreamed, my eyes wandered over to the yellow paper signs Mr. Sahir had taped up on the wall.
• No Stealing Allowed
• No Guns Allowed
• No Knives Allowed
• No Smoking Allowed
• No Arguing Allowed
• No Damaging Property Allowed
You get the idea. Everything you don’t want in your gas station and store was typed out and taped up. There were dozens of yellow paper signs, all overlapping. I didn’t think the customers could even read them, yet we never had any of the problems posted, so they must’ve done the trick somehow.
It was those signs that gave me an idea. Instead of rules for customers, I could make up a rules list for the new hire and pretend all us employees had to follow it. Hilarious ideas were already popping in my mind, and I grabbed my phone and jotted them down. I ended up with the following:
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Sahir’s Gas, Guzzle, n' Go: Graveyard Shift Rules
1. When you start your shift at 12am, you must turn the radio on, tune it between any two stations so that they overlap, and play it at medium volume.
2. If you hear a soccer game being announced in enthusiastic Spanish from outside, you must grab the vuvuzela from under the counter and blow as hard as you can for twenty seconds.
3. A thick purple liquid will periodically ooze from beneath the soda fridge. Do not mop it. Instead, crush salt and vinegar chips and sprinkle them over the puddle. Once it turns a pale grey, place appropriate signs around the puddle and leave it to harden. At the end of your shift, crack the brittle remains, sweep them up, and throw them away.
4. If you smell lutefisk at any time, you must leave your post immediately, hide in the bathroom, turn off the lights, and hum the Titanic song. Once you are done, it is safe to exit.
5. Every Thursday, a large woman with braces and half a mustache will enter the store and ask about Joe. You must nod and point towards pump #4. Do not speak to her. Do not make any sounds. Remain standing still until she exits.
