One Because of a Thousand Whys (Novellete)

PART FOUR: THE PURPOSE

PART FOUR: THE PURPOSE

SITTING on the swing alone, I watched how the full moon glimmered in the park.

Unlike last night, this place was crowded with people now, mostly couples trapped in their worlds, holding hands while roaming around.

The lights from the different posts helped to illuminate the park, making it visible and alive. I hated the lights, so I just took a stroll.

I passed by a line of food carts; ran across whining children; saw beggars at the corners; caught couples kissing in the dark; heard people quarreling.

I could take note of everything, but nobody took notice of me. That was I—a nobody roaming around.

After my grandmother died, I put a tall, sturdy barrier around my life that nobody could break or penetrate because I had this notion that no one could understand me; and, no one could accept me completely. They would just leave me once they learned about my past, anyway. I feared being rejected just because of my past. That fear was like a crunchy slap of truth that I tasted every day.

After thirty minutes of strolling, I went back to the same spot where I met that man last night, but his presence was still unfelt. I waited patiently for another hour, but he didn't arrive.

More hours had passed and yet, that man was nowhere.

Then, I concluded...

He lied to me!

Liar. Liar. Liar.

How could I trust someone I had just met once? I used to this kind of feeling – the pain of disappointment – that this kind of betrayal was just nothing. My breakfast, lunch, and dinner were always plates of despair and torment. Being in pain for years had an advantage. Pain can't hurt me anymore.

I walked away—as far as possible from this place.

While walking, I was also thinking of other ways to kill myself. I couldn't afford to buy another batch of sleeping pills because I had no money left with me. My original plan was to drink those medicines before I went to sleep. Once the medicine had taken effect, I could finally go into a serene slumber where no nightmares could wake me up again. Besides, I only lived alone, and nobody would care if I died; nobody would cry if I was gone; nobody would feel sad if I said goodbye. Maybe my neighbors would only care and protest if they had already smelled my rotten body and that was the time they should have reported my grandmother's house to be checked by the officials.

That way, I could have a free burial.

That was supposed to be the plan... but that man ruined it!

A little girl's cry caught my attention. I stopped walking when I saw a child wearing a polka-dot dress across from me. Her left arm hugged an enormous teddy bear, whereas her right hand held a cone of strawberry ice cream.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" She looked around as tears streamed down her small face. "Mommy!"

She was lost... like I was.

"Christine!" a voice on the other side of the street called out.

The girl faced the opposite direction. Despite the tears, her eyes twinkled. "Mommy!"

"Don't cross the street!" But the little girl was too excited to meet her mom. She threw her teddy bear and ice cream on the ground and prepared her small legs to cross the street.

The child stepped forward to cross the road, but blinding lights from the fast-approaching car were about to hinder the child's goal.

My heart stopped as if it had given way for my brain to function well and produce these words: "You need to save the child!"

Without a second thought, I ran after the child. I was already beside her, but I didn't have the chance to hold her arm and pull her from crossing the street. She continued running as if her life depended on being able to meet her mother again.

I used all my strength to grab her dress, pull her back, and push her away from that road.

It was the first slow motion of my life. The breeze of the wind swooshed, embracing and preparing my body for the painful impact to come. A loud thud echoed and a long screech screamed, accompanied by the ripping pain across my pelvis down to my legs and my toes.

The side of my head hit the dusty, rocky road. And I coughed and coughed, spitting liquid that tasted like metal.

"My goodness!"

"Is she still alive?"

"Call an ambulance right away!"

"What happened?"

"Victim of hit and run!"

"Oh my!"

"There's an accident! Let's go home. I'm so scared!"

"Just wait! Let's see the victim first and take some pictures. I'll upload it on Facebook later!"

My chest tightened as I chased my breath. I could only see a galaxy of small white dots in a sheet of darkness. Other than that, I could see no more.

I struggled so hard to open my eyes... and when I was able to do so, I saw different faces looking down at me. But there was only one face that caught my full attention. That face was wearing a bright and wide smile. That face looked so happy. It was strange that it was the only happy face in that crowd of faces. But the smile was not evil; it was like a triumphant one... a genuine one?

The faces started to swirl and swirl... until, one by one, they disappeared.

I closed my eyes, then opened them again. In between my dizziness and disorientation, I witnessed how every human being's body that was right there standing around me went through the mushroom man's body. It seemed that I was the only one who could see that man... I couldn't understand why.

A queer scene to witness before I breathed my last.

"Yo! Purpose!"

***
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