One Because of a Thousand Whys (Novellete)

AMARA TACITA

It was the people's words that almost killed me, but it was the Lord Jesus' words that healed and saved me. Now, I use words to tell and share how amazing and powerful His love is, as well as to reach out to and win lost souls in need of a Savior.

Amara Tacita is a pseudonym that means "everlasting quietness." I chose this as my pen name because it describes me as a person: introverted, reserved, and well-behaved.

Why do I write and share my works?

I can never answer this question unless I first acknowledge my first love, which is reading. Learning to read happened to me as early as five years old, and since then, I always found myself rummaging through our house for more books. However, the Bible and a few PHR books were the only written works our house had. Nonetheless, it only fueled my thirst for reading, so whenever book vendors visited my dearest elementary school, I always ensured that a book would land in my hand, even if it cost my allowance for the whole week.

You may judge my younger self as an impractical brat who preferred to spend on books over food, but honestly, I saw every written work as food for my brain and heart. They all served as my best friend, my parents, my guidance counselor, my teacher, my pet, my sanctuary, and my everything. Without them, I wouldn't have learned how our world truly works and I wouldn't have become the person that I am right now.

As my love for reading grew, my love for writing also started to bloom when I was 10. Writing in a diary served as an outlet for my bottled emotions and kept stories that no one, not even my dearest parents, would want to listen to. Aside from updating my diary, I also learned to write short "kilig" stories, cute poems about my childhood playmates, some quotes inspired by the group messages I received, and pages of unrhymed songs.

In 2012, during our literature class, a seed of wanting to write spiritual stories fell into my heart after reading Leo Tolstoy's God Sees the Truth but Waits... However, a seed of fear was also planted in my heart... and sadly, it bloomed faster and taller than the other seed until it became a plant of everyday reminders: that I was incapable of writing such stories; that I was incompetent to share the Grace and Love of the Lord through writing; and that I was not intelligent enough to put my ideas into a beautiful woven of words.

Back then, I was unable to realize that: indeed, there are good dreams in life that are being hindered by our presumptive fears.

I earnestly asked the Lord Jesus Christ about continue writing and sharing my written works in public, and I was answered through this verse: 

"Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you..." 1 TIMOTHY 4:14

And just like a heart that was recently motivated, I was on fire to write and write until my pen bled no more... but during the process, many chances of wanting to give up occurred.

So, again, I asked the Lord. I prayed. I read the Bible.

And my heart was deeply moved when I received the same answer for the second time. 

And again, for the third time.

And so... finally, after long years of ambivalence and trepidation, I got the courage to get my pen and paper and let God work and guide me throughout this journey.

My main goal in writing and publishing my works is to share the words of the Lord Jesus Christ to touch hearts, challenge minds, and change lives.

Moreover, and honestly, procrastination was my best friend back then because I was a perfectionist. But perfectionism didn't lead me to the dream I desired, but only filled me with disappointment.

However, the Lord Jesus Christ keeps on reminding and teaching me to SEEK IMPROVEMENT, and not perfection... and that's what I'm doing — being obedient and seeking improvement — every single day!

I'm fully aware of the areas that I still have to improve in this writing journey, and sometimes my inner critic is just too powerful and harsh in making me want to give up totally. However, I am always reminded of this: do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised (Hebrews 10:35-36).

My imagination and the call to write have previously filled me with fear. It was like a 'curse' that I wanted to escape, but every time I tried to do so... I always felt a sense of purposelessness and physical discomfort (ex: the urge to vomit) as if the words and ideas had life within me that wanted to go out and fill out a blank sheet of paper to breathe the life of their own. It was exhausting... and I couldn't understand why even in my deepest slumber, I was being followed by writing techniques, writing lectures, writing ideas and strange scenes and events like a white cover of a book/notebook with printed letters: write for Jesus in neon ink; a person trying to give me pieces of writing advice (lol!).
 
I thought that heeding the call of writing and sharing my works had meant only one thing: stress. But, now, I am enlightened that there are joy and healing in following its call. Moreover, the application of the words of God that I include in my novels gives me a wider and deeper view of Him and brings me closer to Him. 💛

It is my deepest desire to write more inspiring novels that will tell and share the love of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I am Amara Tacita, once crushed, pained, and almost killed by people's words, but, eventually, healed and saved by the Lord Jesus' words.

And every written story, all for the Lord Jesus Christ's glory.