Death makes you numb, but it's your decision if whether you want to stay numb and become a shell of the person you used to be or if you want to endure the pins and needles and get back any sense of normalcy. To be able to move forward and change who you used to be in a healthy way after something as tragic as the death of a loved one. It's hard but not necessarily impossible, you just need the right support and mindset to get to the place you once were or at least like some place similar.
To help them I will do whatever I can to ensure there happiness and livelihood, even if it means the damnation of my own.
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Time skip – July 1st, 2009
"Jer, why haven't you spoken to Elena yet?" I asked Jeremy, getting tired of skirting this subject with Jeremy and Elena for that fact.
It had been two weeks since the rage room event and he said he would speak to her, but he hasn't. and yes, while I said I would speak with Elena which I did.
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Flashback – June 22nd, 2009
"Okay Jenna, you can do this just go knock on her door" I mumbled to myself, trying to build up my confidence to have this conversation.
I walk up the stair and went over to her door, hesitating slightly I knock on the door hearing a 'come in' I open the door. As I walk into her room I she her sitting where I've found her most of the time this summer, sitting on the bench by the window with diary in hand.
"Good Morning Aunt Jenna did you need something?" she asked with a forced smile, closing her diary, and placing it in her lap, turning to face me more.
"Sweetie, I need to speak with you about something and I think it might be hard to hear" I start, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "I think you've put yourself into a standstill and think it's because of your parents' death and I think you are blaming yourself."
"I- wha- Aunt Jenna what are you talking about?" she says, I sense her discomfort.
"Elena, I understand if this hard to hear but I think it's something we really need to talk about and for you to become comfortable with this. And the not talking about this is making you withdraw yourself even more from everyone, me, Jeremy, even Bonnie and Caroline. Please let me in Elena or at least Jeremy in because I know that he is drowning without the support from his sister" I almost plead with her.
She tries to say something, but I cut her off.
"I know it's hard, but this is something that you need to confront, and I think you should talk to Jeremy, I know he wants to speak with you" I say, turning to leave, I stop. "And Elena Happy Birthday".
With that I walk out the door and close it behind me.
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End Flashback
"Jeremy are you even listening to me" I say, getting quite fed up with having to repeat myself.
"Yes! Aunt Jenna I am listening to you, and I have tried with talk to Elena but it's hard, I can't do it" he says loudly, not quite yelling.
"Can't or won't Jeremy? I get it I really do; you have you've had all these pent-up emotions and you're scared that you might unload all of them on Elena. But you can do it, I believe that you can, you've been taking those boxing classes, and didn't you say you were looking into do doing karate to?" I ask/encourage him.
"Yeah, I have, but... what if she doesn't forgive me for thinking those things about her? What if she blames herself even more because of me? Because of what I though of her? I don't want her to become even more reclusive, it's just... I'm scared to face her" he said, looking upset.
"Okay... okay I have an idea, give me a second" I said to him, getting up I walk over to the stairs and call out. "Elena, sweetie can you come down here for a bit please."
Seeing her door open I walk back to the living room and sit back down next to Jeremy, waiting for Elena to come and sit down.
"So, Aunt Jenna what did you need to?" she asked sitting down on the armchair next to Jeremy.
I turn to Jeremy to give him a look, to say something, anything to her.
"Elena w-" before I could even get anything out, Jeremy blurts out. "I blamed you for our parents' death."
Both Elena and I are stunned, me from not expecting this conversation to start like this and Elena because of what he said.
"S-sorry, I-I didn't m-mean to b-blurt that out" je said, now stuttering over his words.
"Y-you blame m-me, oh god you hate me, don't you. Because it's my fault, it's all my fault" Elena said, pretty much sobbing out the words.
"No! no, no, Elena let me rephrase. I-I-I didn't mean for it to come out that way believe me" he says slightly tripping over his words, taking a deep breath. "Elena, I blamed you, I did but I don't anymore because Aunt Jenna spoke to me about it. Remember when she told we were going out about two weeks ago. Yeah, she took me to a rage room and busted me because she somehow knew I started doing drugs and please don't say anything Jenna already did the whole thing. Anyway, that's besides that the point 'cause I'm not doing drugs anymore, what I'm trying to say is that yes, I did blame you before, I was so angry at you. But I couldn't... I couldn't get mad at you because you are my sister and you are the only one left beside Aunt Jenna, so I tried to hide behind drugs and drown myself in them to get rid of the grief and anger I felt. Because I now know that it wasn't your fault, it never was I was just blind by my grief."
Elena speechless, just stood up and was still for a moment and without hesitation went over and hugged Jeremy.
"Jer, I can't believe you went through all of that, I am so sorry that you were going through that because of me. I want to help, god I have been so focused on myself and putting myself down because I was blaming myself that I didn't even notice that you were falling too" she says with tear slowly rolling down her face. "Please, what can I do? Tell me what can I do to help? We can get through this together and with Jenna because we re family."
Hugger her tighter he says.
"Elena, why are you apologizing? This is my fault I didn't see you having a hard time, all I did was think about myself and my problems. I'm sorry and of course we will get through this together, we are the Gilberts" He ends proudly.
"Hey! You forget I'm a Sommers' not a Gilbert" I interrupt, slightly offended.
"Aunt Jenna" they say simultaneously. "You are an honorary Gilbert, and you will always be Aunt Jenna to us" Jeremy finishes.
"Anyway, Elena before I forget do you want do boxing with me? I started it after I spoke with Jenna and after our session at the rage room and it has actually helped a lot. So, I was thinking that we could do it together and I was even thinking of asking Aunt Jenna to join too, you know make it a family thing" Jeremy asks shyly.
"Really, you would want to do something like that with an old fart like me?" I joke, with tears in my eyes.
"Yes, Jeremy I would love to join you, so Jenna what do you say?" Elena responds/asks.
"Well..."
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A New Start... As Jenna Sommers
FanfictionLife was average, then I died and I regret almost every single thing I did in it. They say the 'light' is what is after death, well I tried to go towards the light. And it disappeared, that's right, you heard me it disappeared. Now I'm here as her...
