𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐀 | (𝙣.) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙟𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣𝙚'𝙨 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙, 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩, 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛, 𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚
──── In which she falls for his darkness and he falls for her light, until death does them apart.
《...
Clary wasn't sure whether she's mad at Caroline, or worried about her. It was no secret that the cheerleading team's captain was a hopeless romantic, who sought attention, especially from men, but Clary was struggling to comprehend how such a clever, sensitive girl fell for the charm of a stranger, who looked much older than them, with mischief and malice flaming in his icy eyes. All the red flags were raised in front of her, yet she chose to ignore them, and what for? To be noticed? To be like one of those girls she always envied while watching them having a crazy love life?
Was it worth it?, Clary wondered, is the thrill so much enjoyable?
But how could a sick, dying girl like her get the answers to these questions, with the little time she has left to live, and the limited knowledge in making new friends she has? There was nothing too special about her. Except for the illness part, of course.
So while leaving the cheerleaders' practice (after not even receiving a 'hi!' from Caroline) and walking back into the school building, Clary was thinking how should she act right now, and if maybe she didn't get Caroline Forbes all figured out, after all.
In these kinds of situations, Clary longed for her old home, and old friends back in Washington, who she hadn't seen in over a year. It was an agonizing, slow process, to lose her friends. At first, she began to feel bad and had to go to the hospital, where she was told she should be admitted until further notice. Then, her sophomore friends came to visit her and she had to tell them of her terminal disease, and when the days of hospitalization turned into weeks and months, her friends could not take the sight of her so fragile and sick anymore, and slowly faded away.
Some days Clary thought it was more painful than the actual disease she was fighting (and being defeated by). To watch people walk out of her life because of something she had no control over, nor she asked for, was simply not fair.
And these were the words written in front of her every day in the past 12 months; not fair.
But it all changed when one day she realized staying at the hospital did no good for anyone, especially not her parents and brother, who practically moved into the hospital too, at some point. She realized how wrong it was to force them to put their lives on hold, and for what? For having a constant IV of painkillers and an oxygen mask that would help her breathe just for a little while longer? It was pointless-- she was going to die anyway, and she can handle the pain if it means her family could have a life outside of her illness and hospitals. Thus, she decided she was getting discharged and leaving Wahington, so that her parents and brother could start over, and so could she, far from the so-called friends who abandoned her when she needed them most.
