Farewell Dinner

One last time

I put on the dark blue short dress I purchased sooner in the day with Poyraz. She fits me like a glove, hugging every inch of my body. I can still see Poyraz's expression as I walked out of the dressing room wearing it. A smile stretches my lips at this memory. The next second, I feel a hint of pain in my heart. Soon I won't see him at all. I won't see his face anymore, his beautiful and warm smile, the glimpse in his eyes when he looks at me, I won't feel his touch...

The pain intensifies as our memories together replay in my head. We didn't even have time to be happy, to enjoy our brief relationship. It was all about the people who wanted to separate us and the best way to get them to accept our relationship. We never talked about us. We have never made future projects, dreams together. And that, more than anything else, is painful. Because this relationship died before it had time to live.

Knocks on the door take me out of my thoughts. I go to open the door and give a poor smile to Poyraz who looks at me just as amazed as he was earlier in the store, as if he hasn't seen me in this outfit before.

- You're really beautiful.

- Thanks.

I grab my purse, slip my cell phone in it, and leave the house to follow him to his car. He quickly grabs the handle before I do so to open the door for me. I let my hand fall to my sides, sighing. I don't even get tired of saying anything. I just want this evening to go well as it will be the last memory of us that I will take with me. So I just get into his car and he walks around to get up next to me.

I am surprised when he parks on the docks, not far from his boat.

- What are we doing here ?, I ask.

- We'll have dinner on the boat.

- Really ?

- I thought it would be better than a restaurant... You know, now one will disturb us here, or make a drama. If this is going to be the last time we see each other, I want it to be okay.

- I understand. It's a good idea.

I get out of the car before Poyraz has time to come and open the door for me, I see him wobbling slightly but he doesn't say anything. Nor when he holds out his hand to me to get on the boat but I go up alone, without grabbing it. I smiled slightly when I saw the small table he set up with two chairs facing each other where before there was nothing at all. He grabs a chair for me to sit down. I roll my eyes as I go to sit on the other chair and he sighs as he sits there himself.

- It's not a date, Poyraz. I remind him. So no need to do all that.

- Maybe I'm just a gentleman ?

- I have no doubt about it but don't.

- Okay, sorry.

Although at first I try to stay distant and detached, the point is that it's Poyraz and I can't help but resume our usual functioning, laughing at his jokes, responding to his smiles, and talking endlessly, even when the subject is not engaging. We never really had a hard time talking about everything. Even difficult subjects which I had never spoken before with anyone. I liked that so much between us.

- When do you start your new job ? He ask.

I notice he tries to stay detached in his question but I can feel the change in his voice tone. I tense to this evocation. I don't want to talk about my departure, neither here nor with him.

- In ten days.

- Ten days ?! So why are you going tomorrow ?

- I'll spend a few days at Istanbul. I want to spend time at my father's house and I have things to take there, I just took enough to spend the summer here, since I wasn't supposed to stay any longer. But to get there, I'm going to need other things.

- And you need ten days for it ?

- No, I'll just stay three or four days there, next I go to Tokyo. The time to find an apartment, setting myself, find my marks.

When the expression on his face turns more serious, I feel myself getting nervous and a lump forms in my stomach.

- What time are you leaving tomorrow ?

- The taxi picks me up at 2pm to bring me to the ferry.

- So you're really gonna do it, right ?

- Do what ?, I ask.

- Took this job, go to Tokyo.

- Yeah, I told you.

- Why can't you stay here ?

- Because I need to take some distance to... I don't know, in order to go forward I guess.

- You mean to move on, right ?

- Listen... Yesterday, when we broke up, we made a promise that we won't see eachother, nor call nor visited etc, etc... But, today, we saw each other multiple times and you came to my house so... It won't work. If I stay here, it won't.

He nods slowly, accepting my words.

- So you choose the easy option. He said in a cold voice.

- The easy option ? You think it's easy ?!

- More than staying obviously.

- You want to talk about easy option ? Breakup. That was the easy option ! More than stay together and fight, obviously.

- Don't act as if you didn't agree with me ! You were thinking the same. Dare to say that you wouldn't have broken up if I hadn't.

- You know what ? The truth is, yes, I did thought it would be easier to just let down, but I... I would never have been able to go through with it. But you did.

- Nothing we did worked !

- I know that !

- So what did you wait for me ?

- Not this, obviously !

- You reproach me for being able to break up but that you are able to go to the other side of the world is not a problem ?

- I was ready to stay here for you ! Because I found myself on this island next to you ! But I... if we're not together, I'm sorry, but I can't stay here.

- See ? I could never go this far from you ! I would rather stay by your side, even if we're not together just to be able to see you everyday, but you... you just go.

- Guess we're really different people then.

- I guess, yeah. As I guess your mother was right.

- About what ?

- I did holding you from realising your dream. The second we break up, you accept a job and go to Tokyo. Without forgetting that you have told me again yourself that it's your dream.

- It was my dream job before coming here, evet ! But my dreams completly changed since then and you know that. But the fact you just listened to my mom and decide to break up without even talk to me about it, asking me what is truly my dreams, what I want for myself, finally it proves that we were right to break up.

I angrily wipe away the tears that are starting to gather in my eyes as I stand up, grabbing my purse.

- Haziran...

- I don't even know why I thought this dinner would be a good idea ! It's a terrible - terrible - idea !

- Don't go, please.

- I... I have nothing more to say to you.

I can't even look at his face anymore, I feel so broken and empty. This love story really left me in pieces and I can't wait being away from here in order to be able to start gluing them back together.

- I'm sorry... He whisper.

- Yeah me too, really.