South Park One-Shots

It's Dangerous to Go Alone

This idea kind of just popped out. Randomly listening to my playlist and the song just played. And I was like, "THE ROLES!!!11"
So the lyrics will be warped, and here are the characters.
Kyle:Link
Cartman:Old Man
Stan:Zelda (yeah, I'm going there)
Kenny:Ganondorf
Butters:Orange Octopus thingie (idk what its called)
Clyde:Mr. Johnson
Craig and Tweek:The Juice Crew
Damien and Pip: Dead(?) Cops
BeBe and Red: Prostitutes
Jinx: Deku (band)
Neraine: Zora (band)
Asher: Goron (band)

This is going to be short so yeah. :(

(Jinx, Neraine, and Asher start playing the beat)

Kyle : My name is Kyle, y'all.
I'm straight out of South Park.
I've been on the side of God, since 1997,
old school .
I'm bringing you a laid-back wintertime jam.
Cartman : Hold on a minute, Kahl!
Kyle : Hey, what's up Cartman?
Cartman : I see that you're embarkin' on another
Epic quest. You're gonna use your
Ocarina (wot m8?) To rescue the
Princess. But you'll need a magic
Weapon that'll never ever miss.
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
(Does magical arm shit)
Butters: (is staring at the magical 'sword') O_O
Kyle: Oh thanks, Cartman , that is really very
Nice. I could always count on you for
Helpful, friendly advice.
(Stares at the 'sword' intently)
But I've never seen a sword of quite that
Shape or size.
(Eyes widen at the realization)
Oh god, that's not a sword. That's your dick
In disguise.
Butters: (starts vomitting)
Cartman : Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my
Shween. So blow your destiny, if you
Know what I mean. ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )
(Leans into mic)
Wait, a minute Kahl, don't leave the
Shed. Where do you think you're
Going? This is a great chance to suck
Off some balls, and you know you're
Blowing.
Kyle: (runs out of the shed)
That was weird, but whatever there is no
Time to lose. I gotta get up and save Stan in
This chilled out groove.
(Plays the ocarina, and gets transported to
New Jersey)
Wait... This isn't Kenny's lair. I'm in New
Jersey. This place is the shittiest of
shittiest of the shit. I'm at the corner of....
Damien/ Pip: DEAD COP! (both point their guns)
Kyle: And...
BeBe/ Red: PROSTITUTE JUNCTION. (Does sexy
pose)
BeBe/Red/Damien/Pip: (points at Kyle)
Something in your ocarina must've
Gone and malfunctioned. You better
Fix it quickly, there is justice to serve.
Cartman : Hold on a minute, Kahl!
Kyle: Cartman , is that you?
Cartman : This is a place you can't survive with
With just your sword and your Jew.
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Kyle: Well, that's really kind of-
(realization)
UGH! THAT'S YOUR WEIRD ASS DICK AGAIN!
Look, I know I am a Jew, but I am not 'gay'.
Cartman : (does an explosion, sending Kyle
Flying and the limousine exploding)
*is suddenly naked*
Jinx: Put some clothes on, fatass!
Cartman : I don't need too. My big bones cover it.
Kyle: (is recovering)
Cartman : Don't be that way, stupid Jew. Let me
Introduce you. To my three faggots,...
Clyde: (smiles suggestively) Mr.Johnson (winks)
Cartman : And...
Craig: (air humps) The Juice...
Tweek: Cr-GAH-ew. (Starts drinking coffee)
Cartman : If you see that gothy Stan Marsh...
Kyle: HEY! (flips off Cartman )
Craig: Wait that's my jo- (gets bagged)
Neraine/ Asher: (slowly backing away) You saw
Nothing.
Cartman : Then you know you have to fuck him.
Jinx: FOR THE FANGIRLS OUT THERE! (chokes on
Tuba)
Cartman : So why don't you try to come fuck my
Beautiful Anal Hole?
Kyle: OH MY GOD! (recomposes himself)
I gotta warp outta here. Sexy Stan awaits.
I must defeat perverted Kenny before it gets
Too late. (tranports again)
Okay, now I really don't know where I am.
Cartman : HOLD ON A MINUTE, KAHL! (comes out
Of a manhole)
Kyle: GODDAMMIT, CARTMAN! (Squishes map)
Cartman : You are in the sewers. It's a shitty
abyss...
(Random) Mr. Hankey: Hey!
Cartman : It's dangerous to go alone, take thi-
(Dodges an arrow)
Kyle: (starts firing arrows at Cartman )
NO! FUCK YOU! JUST-
(looks back to the band)
STOP THE CHILLED OUT GROOVE! GEEZ.
COMING IN HERE TELLING ME YOU GOT A
WEE-WEE WEAPON. IT'S NOT COOL! I'M
NOT GONNA TOUCH IT. I'M NOT GONNA
SHPSMCAINDA NO! (walks out)
Jinx: What's his problem?
Asher: (shrugs)l don't know.
Neraine: Where's our next gig?
Cartman :So is that a no on the blowjob or- okay.

This was a surprise wasn't it. First one with no ship too huehuehue. Hope this was funny to you guys. Peace! (*^^)v