Amasai Oneshots

This. (Short)

cw: suicide mention/reference, mentions of depression, intrusive thoughts. ect, you get the idea

He didnt really know what to do. As other people spoke to him, he just nodded and mumbled yes's, okays, and alrights.  He could feel that feeling in his brain. The one signaling him to do something that would probably cost him more than his happiness. For the first time this week he didnt end up crying when he first woke up. Yeah, crying. Just about every morning. He looked up on his phone ways to stop it, stop himself from crying every morning, if not morning every night, but all that came up was suggestions of talking to a medical professional since its a 'sign of depression'.

Once he came home from school things were rather quiet but he was still happy in his own little world with his dreams and aspirations for the future. Even though just yesterday he was contemplating if living was actually worth it. if it was just a waste of his time. Hes been miserable for a long, long time. But everywhere he went, "suicide is just a permanent solution tp a temporary problem." Though he would beg to differ, with how horrible living like this felt everyday.

"So Mom its alright if i still go out tomorrow right?" He asked as he wiped off the water on the freshly cleaned dishes.
"Why are you bringing this up now Shuichi, it's  almost 8. You had all day." The way she said it..
He could feel that feeling he hated so much starting to bubble up.
"I brought it up yesterday.."
"And you didnt say anything."
"I did."
"You said you didnt know what time you were going."
"I told you we didn't have a set time."
"Stop talking over me thats rude."
He hated her. He hated her so much. And he hated himself for forgetting how much he hated her. She was two faced, one minute she was a kind loving mother, the next she was just a pure bitch. And he would forget that.. and start loving her all over again. He would forget that most of his suffering was caused directly from this women. He would forget this women was the one who failed his other unnamed sibling, who sadly, he doesnt know where they are. They disappeared.. gone like the wind. It was all her fault.. why is it always her fault. Why does she make it so damn hard to love her. He questioned himself. He wish she would just die. Get hit by a bus on her way to work. At one point he thought about killing her himself. And at one point he feared for his life that she would kill him while he slept.

She always complained, more like always had a problem with him there was always some how a problem with him.  Being 'Antisocial' and when he wants to go out for a change theres a problem.. she.. she..

"-nd thats how you get there, do you understand?" He nodded. He wasnt paying attention, no. All that repeated in that head of his was 'i hate you.. i hate you.. i hate you so damn much..'  "Thank you." He muttered as he walked to his room door and closed it, careful to make sure he closed it softly. Even though before he wanted to cry so damn bad. As soon as he entered his room tears wouldnt escape. He needed them to fall.. they had to fall. Whatever it took to fix this horrid feeling.

But to no avail. He didnt want to go out tomorrow anymore. Maybe hed be doing himself a favor if he cut his suffering shorter. Because its been long, way too long than it should be. He didnt know how to deal with this kind of internal pain anymore. No one could understand whatever this was. he barely understood it.

But maybe hed be better off.. free from this.

He wish he had someone here with him, someone to ease this pain.. bur in the real world comfort is a luxury most of us cant have..