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(self harm)
i did it. again. i was basically almost 3 weeks clean from self harming. but today was a shitty day and i had to do it. vinnie knows about my past, and he knows that i self harmed and i promised him not to do it again. but i broke the promise.
right after i was done, creating bloody lines on my arm i quickly threw the blade away. not wanting to hold it again hoping that this is the real last time im using it. i ran a clean cloth under the warm water and gently clean the blood on my arm. my stupid ass forgot that vinnie is coming over today, so i ran out of the bathroom to pick a long sleeve hoodie and quickly changed into it not wanting vinnie to see the fresh scars.
not even 10 minutes later, i heard the door knob twist knowing that its vinnie. "ahh baby ive miss you" he yelled and smiled being very excited to see me. he immediately engulfed me into a big warm hug, making me taking his flowery scent. we pulled away, and he leans down for a kiss making my heart flutters.
"okay babe let's watch squid game!!" he happily yelled, gripping my arm making me hissed loudly. "oww" i said quickly regretting it. "what happened baby did i hurt you?" he asked with a concerned look. i shake my head no giving him a fake smile. "nuh uh let me see" he said, gently pulling my wrist and i quickly snatched my hand away. "vinnie there's nothing come on lets watch that tv series you wanna watch earlier" i stated, giving him a little laugh acting like i didnt just cut myself. "we're not watching until you show me what hurts" he demand sternly. again, he gently grabbed my wrist making eye contact with me as he pulled the hoodie sleeve up. he gave me a little glanced before looking down at my 'barcoded' wrist. his eyes widened, he had that confused sad look in his face.
"baby" is the only thing that he said before examining the scars. "vin its nothing, its old" i exclaimed giving him lame excuses. "this isnt old y/n. we've talked about this before my love, you even promised me that you wont do it again" he mumbled looking at me in the eyes. i started to tear up. vinnie carefully pulls me into another hug, as i cried in his warm embrace.
"look at me baby" he demanded pulling away from the hug. he helped me wiped my tears with his thumb before placing a lovely kiss on my forehead while holding the side of my head. "i really hate seeing you like this, you know you can always reach out to me whenever you're having a bad day, and this is not the right way to cope from your problems. babe what am i here for if you keep doing this instead of crying in my chest?" he exclaimed looking at me in the eyes as he started to tear up too. "im sorry vin i- i dont know, i just wanna handle my problems on my own without having you with me. i wanna do it like the big girl i am" i stuttered.
"this isnt how a big girl solve her problems. baby im your boyfriend the person you should trust to confide into, do you not trust me y/n?" he questioned. "no vin i trust you with my whole life, its just that i don't want you to be worried about me" i explained. "its better if you tell me about it then grabbing blades and cut you wrist with the damn thing" he said leaving another kiss on my forehead. "im so sorry vin" i apologized.
he didnt say anything but he brought us to my room instead. i laid on my bed resting my back against the headboard and vinnie situated himself between my thighs resting his head on my chest. he turned the tv on and choose the new series to watch. as the intro started, he grabbed my wrist, resting it on his chest. he started giving my wrist soft kisses like he did the first time he found out that i self harmed. "you dont mind kissing my fresh cuts?" i mumbled, giving him head scratches. "no i dont. im giving you angel kisses for an angel like you" he exclaimed, continue to kiss my wrist. all i can say it that im so grateful for this boy, its not just that he makes me happy, but he also makes me feel safe all the time. i hope he doesn't leave me like the others did. i love him so much, it aches my heart.
"remember okay baby, im always here for you, you dont need to do it again okay? i love you so much and your angel scars too" he mumbled caressing my thigh. "okay vin i'll try my best, and i love you the most" i replied. he looked up at me puckering his lips and i leaned my head down connecting our lips together. we pulled away making eye contact as he brings my wrist to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on it. "angel kisses" he smiled making me smile as well.
893 words
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hey yall fuck sorry i havent update this book in a while bcs i feel like i wanted to focus on my othef book!! go check it out btw just click my profile!!
also im 4 days clean😉
if you guys wanna talk about stuff, or like anything pls hmu and dont just keep it to yourself <3 im always here for you!
the least that i can do is give you advices and virtual forehead kisses <3
