hello
idk i just feel like i havent post in a while and life's been fucking boring lately.
is it just me or do yall lowkey wanna experience the first quarantine again? that feeling when you found out there will be 2 weeks off school, we were so creative back then, making arts, trying new things, facetiming friends and it aint even boring even though we literally had to stay home all the time.
that 2019 summer feeling
idk i missed a lot of things that happened in 2020 like it wasnt that bad for me. i love staying at home, in my room doing bunch of random shit.
and that was the time where i realized my mental health was getting worse, but i feel comfortable being in that situation.
like being sad, depressed or hopeless somehow makes me feel safe. part of me don't even wanna reach out to people, get any help or go to a therapy or whatever.
ive been in this dark but also colorful world of mine for wayyy too long and it's starting to feel like home.
sometimes my mind is my home. but some other time, it's the worst place a human being can ever be in. it's so messy yet i found it so calming.
people always saw me, like i'm there. i'm having a conversation with them but in reality i was in my mind, and will always be in here.
i'm not interested in talking with people, i rather talk to myself in my head. she gets me. she sometimes dont judge me, obviously ive had that moment where my thoughts were my worst enemy but after all, i always find a way to fight the negative shit that is going on in there.
the bullshits didn't go away or disappeared. i just forget about them bc i don't see myself stressing abt thing that i prolly wouldn't even remember in a few years.
i lost shit tons of people in my life for the past couple of years, and honestly it's not bad at all. like i truly dont care abt what's going on, i was too focus in my own head most of the time.
but yeah i dont really get that 2022 positive aura. my life aint even that bad, its just that i am surrounded by people that i wished i can get out of their grip sometimes.
i really do want things to get better
thank you for spending your time, reading my shit.
i love u and hope we'll all heal one day <3
