MHA One-Shots

Hurting pt 2/2 - KBK angst/fluff

As requested by not_a_hufflepuff on AO3 here's part two.

Why did I switch to only using first names? Idk, I never did it again.

~~~~~

Things didn't get better instantly for Denki, not that anyone had expected it to, but Katsuki and Eijiro were both there for them. They watched them a lot more carefully, when they noticed him begin to pull back or go quiet they spoke up, oftentimes declaring an impromptu movie night or something to get Denki's mind off whatever thoughts were running through their mind.

But sometimes distractions weren't enough, and sometimes they even ended up making things worse, and that was when Eijiro would step in, he was the one Denki went to when they needed to talk, because as much as they loved Katsuki he wasn't very good at talking about feelings, though he had been trying a lot harder ever since he'd found out just how much pain Denki was really in.

Eijiro didn't necessarily consider himself all that great at talking either, but he tried his hardest. When Denki went to him with depressive thoughts he would do his best to counteract them, he was also willing to just listen if that was what the blond needed. But it was hard, it hurt him to hear Denki's thoughts, though he tried his hardest not to show it, sometimes what Denki said made him want to cry, and often he would after Denki felt better and he was alone.

Denki had gone into therapy soon after Mr. Aizawa had found out, which had been the day after Katsuki and Denki's talk, and that was helping a lot, or at least it seemed to be, but as with a lot of things, the situation got worse before it got better, the therapist had of course needed to ask why they had started doing this in the first place and that had dredged up a lot of bad memories for them, turns out middle school bullies had had a relatively big hand in it, but there was a lot more, most of it they hadn't yet told their boyfriends because they didn't want to drag them both into their problems more than necessary, not that they didn't think they wouldn't care, but they couldn't help but think a lot of it was stupid and didn't want them to think they were just an attention seeker.

The hardest part for Katsuki and Eijiro was the fact that Denki didn't want to wear short sleeves, they could both understand their reasoning for this, but it meant that they couldn't be sure they weren't still hurting themself, they'd done what they could to hide all sharp objects and Mr. Aizawa had put locks on the knife drawers in the kitchen, but Denki could have something hidden in their room, or they could even potentially use their quirk if they got desperate enough, and they couldn't be with them at all times.

But they couldn't force them to wear short sleeves, so they had to trust them, which was hard. With anything else, well almost anything else, they would trust them fully, without even having to think about it, but this was different, this was a war Denki was raging against his mind, a war they were losing, and as much as they wanted to trust him they just couldn't, not with this, because his depression kept getting the upper hand, and all they could do was lend their support and do their best to counter when Denki talked about his thoughts.

It was hard for Katsuki too, he had been the one to come up with the war analogy, and part of him regretted it now because all he wanted was to help Denki win the war, he wished that there was something physical he could fight, but there wasn't, and he wasn't very good at helping emotionally, so he couldn't help but feel helpless in this.

This whole situation had put a strain on the relationship, and Denki couldn't help but feel like it was their fault, that if they hadn't said anything everything would have been better, if they had tried harder to hide how they felt in the first place then it wouldn't have gone this way, and they couldn't stop thinking that if they just went back to pretending they were fine then everything could just go back to normal, back to the way it had been before, deep down they knew the opposite was true, but they ignored that fact.

In truth they all felt like it was on them, Katsuki and Eijiro both felt like they should have noticed sooner, or said something soon, and at the same time, they couldn't help but think that if they were better at emotional stuff they could help more, like if they just said the right thing, the right words, then everything would magically get better, that was stupid and they knew it, but it was hard not to think about.

The rest of class 1A didn't know about Denki, I mean they knew something was up and some of them had an idea of what it was, partially based on the whole 'locks on the knife drawers' thing, but they hadn't been told outright, because Denki wasn't ready for all the questions they would inevitably have to answer, so they kept it quiet, and that put a strain on their friendships.

Denki hated it, they hated the way that their boyfriends looked at them now, the not so well concealed concern, like they were worried that Denki was going to break down at any moment, which they weren't, and they hated the glances that their classmates shot them when they thought he wasn't looking, it wasn't helping at all. They told their therapist about it, and it turned into a rant about all the things that had changed ever since Katsuki had found out, ranting usually helped.

But by far what helped the most was cuddling with their boyfriends, tv on but none of them paying much attention to it, those were the times when it finally felt like everything was okay again, because none of them needed to talk then and if they did, it was usually about snacks or school or a random thought that was just blurted out, usually resulting in laughter from all three of them, yes even Katsuki, because that was how comfortable they all felt with each other before all this started.

Sadly even wonderful moments like those could be ruined.

The three of them had been cuddling like that for almost an hour and Denki was getting restless, and for the first time in weeks they wanted to hurt themself, but not with a blade, they wanted to zap themself, send electricity coursing up their arm, maybe even up to their heart, maybe even enough to- they bit back a whimper and pushed themself farther into the couch between their boyfriends, hands clenched into fists and held away from each other in hopes of preventing themself from doing that. This didn't go unnoticed by the other two however, they glanced worriedly at each other before each taking one of Denki's hands in their own, neither one spoke, they didn't need to, not right now, because all of them already knew what was wrong, all they need to do was reassure him that they were there. They both moved closer to Denki, hugging him tight and not letting go until they relaxed and loosened the death grips they'd had on his hands.

Sometimes words were necessary, but not always, it has taken Katsuki and Eijiro a little while to figure out when they were and were not needed, but they did eventually, and eventually, Denki did get better, even slowly starting to wear short sleeves again, though only alone and then around their boyfriends, they wouldn't be ready to do it around everyone else for a long time, that was fine, no one expected them to be better instantly, other than maybe themself but even then it was wishful thinking, but eventually they were.

~~~~~

I wrote this somewhat based on myself at the time, I was proud of myself for finally being able to wear short sleeves, especially around other people, because I hated seeing the scars but other people seeing them was worse. I still can't do it everywhere, but I'll get there.

(Original note) This feels like a mess, but I procrastinated enough on writing it already. I also managed to completely avoid dialogue, and structure so that's something.

Written: 8-31-2021
Word count: 1342
Posted: 11-1-2021