Darling Chaos

12. Chaos

Luggage in tull, Chaos navigated his way through the bustling halls of the airport. He swerved in between groups of people, catching sight of adventurous couples with luggage in hand and happy families passing the time before their flight.

Upon approaching his gate, he found himself pulling out his passport, running his fingers over the surface of the cursed little booklet. That little booklet had torn him from the woman, the only person that had ever been able to change his life forever. The only person he had ever craved to be with. The only person he had ever loved with more than just his heart... but with his entire being.

He was quick to board the plane, following after the flight attendants. As it was a small plane, he was one of 10 other people aboard and, because of this, the flight crew had waited patiently for him to arrive.

He was able to choose a seat next to the window, and got comfortable quickly. They would be taking off in 5 minutes. Plenty of time to get comfortable.

He sat staring at the window, observing the noisy, bustling atmosphere of the outside world.

While he tried desperately to fixate his mind on something, anything, littering the landscape of the airport... he couldn't.

His heart would never let him rest. From the moment he had met Darling, she had been the center of his life. And even now, she still was.

She always would be.

He knew then that for the rest of his life, he'd see her beauty and intricate personality in the snowflakes that drifted down from the sky. He would want her beside him, for the rest of his days. He would never love another with as much as he loved her. No one would ever come close to being as important. He would never regret leaving someone as much as he regretted leaving her.

Yes, his dreams had seemed bigger; more important at the time. But it was now that he realized they meant nothing to him unless she could experience them coming true alongside him. They meant nothing without her in the picture.

His life was nothing more than a camera without a lens. He couldn't focus, he couldn't create... he couldn't function without her.

He remembered distinctly the night before he left.

Neither of them touched one another. Neither of them smiled and neither of them laughed.

"You said you would wait for me." Darling whispered, folding her arms and looking away. Chaos knew she was hiding tears then, but he hadn't cared. At the moment, she was less than he. And her tears meant nothing to him.

"And you said you loved me. But clearly, you don't love me enough to support me in my decisions. In my dreams."

Darling gasped, unfolding her arms and clasping her hands in anger. She stared him directly in the eye, then, her voice tainted with hurt.

"How could you ever say that? I have supported you from the beginning. It's just now, that you've told me I'm not worth waiting for... that I realize maybe supporting you at all was a mistake. You could have told me days before - weeks before, even! But no, you chose to tell me you're leaving me for a journey we had planned on taking together... the DAY before you go. You accuse me of not loving you enough? Well take a look at yourself. Take a look at your own actions." Darling shook her head, shivering in the cold of night.

Chaos reframed from grabbing her... from comforting and warming her. He watched her back up, nearing the exit that led to her apartment.

"You've always put yourself first, Chaos. I've always known you were selfish... a little narcissistic. But I had never thought you didn't love me. I had never before realized your words were a lie. And now I know why you wanted to keep us a secret! I've been nothing but a toy, a little distraction from your troubles. And now that you've got the chance to leave them all behind, you're leaving me as well!"

On that note, she disappeared. Chaos held strong throughout the night and the following day. But as soon as he climbed onto the roof of a building thousands of miles away from Darling... He broke down.

Back then, a month earlier, he would never admit the mistake he had made. But now...

Chaos was interrupted from his flashback with a tap on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, sir? You need to fasten your seatbelt. We're about to take off." The flight attendant smiled, watching him patiently.

Chaos realized suddenly that his passport was still in his hand. And now, looking down at the wretched booklet in his grasp, he made an impulsive decision.

"I can't be on this flight." He uttered. The flight attendant didn't say anything, slightly taken aback by the bluntness of Chaos' words.

He stood up, alarming her.

"Sir, you have to sit back down! We're about to take off!!"

Chaos shook his head, shoving past her and earning the attention of the other 9 passengers aboard the flight. He hurried towards the front of the plane, lucky enough to reach the exit before it closed. He rushed through the hallway from the side of the plane and back into the airport. Then he stood there, processing his actions, staring down at his passport in one hand and holding onto his suitcase with the other. He could hear the plane moving, and walked slowly over to one of the windows overlooking takeoff.

He watched as the plane, the one he was supposed to be on, made its way to the runway without him.

He stood there watching until it became nothing more than a dot on the horizon. So far from reach it seemed impossible that he had ever been on a plane in the first place.

Slowly, without caring who was watching or whom he annoyed, he dragged himself away from the gates and towards the front of the airport, where he had first checked in.

He gaped up at one of the many monitors, dangling down from the ceiling. He traced over the many places people were traveling or preparing to travel to at that very moment. Suddenly, with his eyes fixated on a specific flight... a specific gate...

He knew exactly where he needed to go, now. And he knew that if he didn't go, he would spend the rest of his life regretting it.