Darling Chaos

14. Chaos

As soon as he stepped foot on the concrete surrounding the airport's pickup area, Chaos felt more like a free man than he had ever before. He observed his surroundings, with trash lining the road and homeless people pestering citizens and visitors for change, and felt right at home. He could smell, at first, smoke and freshly rained on pavement. After a couple moments, though, he smelt something a little more familiar. It smelt like the wind, which was a smell much harder to define than the rest. It smelt like it used to all those nights ago, up on the rooftop.

Hitching a ride with a taxi was a familiarity Chaos hadn't even realized he missed. There weren't as many taxis in Iceland, many people rode their bikes... The air wasn't as polluted there, either, but for some reason Chaos found this atmosphere much homier.

"Where to?" the taxi driver inquired.

Chaos grimaced, a facial expression that was meant to be more of a smile.

"Sunset Square Apartments in Florence, please." The taxi driver looked at him quizzically.

"They're by the Florence School of Art?" Chaos hinted, and with that the taxi driver gave a nod of recognition. He beckoned Chaos inside, who situated himself in the carseat and immediately took notice of the stench of cigarette smoke. That was probably one of the things he hadn't missed so much...

Once Chaos was on his way back to the apartment he once lived in, Chaos took the time to realize what he had gotten himself into.

What was he doing? He was crazy to completely ignore the order of his employers in order to pursue a woman he wasn't even sure he ever loved.

But obviously, if he had gone through such trouble, and if he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since the moment he left, he must love her. Right?

Even if he did, he had never once shown her that he had. His words were nothing but lies and broken promises if he never once acted on them.

He ran a hand down his face, releasing a long shaky breath. He was torn between his head, which told him to turn around and get on that plane that took him to Egypt, and his heart, which told him to run back to Darling and show her that she was enough.

His mind begged him, telling him it wasn't too late to write an apology letter to his boss! He could lie his way around it, easily, and jump back onto the opportunity before it was too late. But his heart, his heart pleaded, demanding that he run to Darling and show her and tell her what she meant to him all along. To tell her "I've changed!" and pursue the happily ever after that he had thrown away.

His head was persistent, though, and continued to pull his thoughts toward his dreams, towards who he really was. He couldn't change, and he didn't have to change, not for anyone. It was his life! He had left her before, and he hadn't let his heart take any action in that. So why start letting his heart rule over his head, now? On top of that, he was so close! He could taste the success he had always dreamt of, and he could continue to do something that brought him joy. His career was the perfect pathway, a mixture of passion and talent, topped with living expenses. It was perfect for him.

But his heart gave him the gentle reminder that he hadn't felt that joy in photography since he had left Darling behind. He hadn't been able to sleep, eat, walk, or function appropriately or normally without her. And how would that change if he decided to turn back now? He was almost there! He was almost home. He was already in the Taxi. He had already made the trip back to the city. Why give up then?

He was already shifting his mindset little by little, even if it was simply a realization he needed to change and a decision to run back to the girl that still occupied his thoughts. His actions were, suddenly, not for his own benefit, but now they were for her.

There was a moment he remembered, the one where she first whispered "I love you," and looked up at him as if she were afraid he wouldn't say it back. He did, but he hadn't meant it.

Now, mumbling "I love Darling," under his breath, he did mean it. This was for her, not for himself. He had to be selfless sometimes, too.

Chaos sighed, exasperated.

His heart won the battle.