To you, My Almost | Lipsoul

<3> | Entry : regret

A/n: song of the day: I wonder Shawn mendes (yes I'm aware it hasn't been 3 weeks, tomorrow is my math exam, I'm gonna die.)

Context
September 27th, you said... That you don't regret meeting me, will I be selfish if I say I do?

Entry:

God, I miss you. Oh god your words, that voice, your name, how you told me you love me. I miss everything, I miss you ...

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I love you.

I'm sorry, I should've listened to your explanation, I'm sorry, I could only wish to rewind time. But I can't... I want to, but I can't...

I love you, oh I love you so so much.
I picture futures with you, I picture me looking in those eyes of yours, sharing warmth through our palms, fingers wrapped like a braid.

Oh I love you.

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you.

I wonder, if I was better, if I was nicer, cuter, more beautiful, would it still have happened?

I regret not loving you more, I regret not showing that love more. Don't disagree, yes I wrote so many messages and letters to you, but I regret it.

Not being able to say it with my voice... Not being able to show it through my actions, god I wish I could turn back time.

Till she hadn't loved me, I'd never have drunk that bottle if i knew what the contents were.

Rewind time till when I hadn't loved her, when we first met.

Rewind time back to before, and let me have time to mature further, so I can say, myself... That I was deserving of her.

I wish I was better for you, but sadly I don't think I could have been back then.

I wish I was more loving, but I don't think I was less loving compared to anyone else.

I wish I could've not loved you so much, yet... I know, you deserved every bit of my love, every bit of it and more.

The truth is, I didn't deserve you.

Now I watch as you laugh with her, flirt with her, do everything with her, because that's the truth. I never saw you so happy with me.

I always made you cry, even if you told me it was because of happiness, that it was because of those exact same letters and words.

I always made you cry, even if you said you're just overwhelmed with love....

I hope you're loved by many others just like me or even more, so when someone tells you words like that you won't cry anymore.

Words, are so simple to say, especially if you didn't mean it.

That's why my words always took hours to write, it was never simple, easy for me. It was like penning down my death will.