The J14 Story Breaks

The Aftermath (Alex POV)

A/N: Okay it's been years and I am sorry. I redownloaded this app today to see people somewhat recently asking for updates so I decided to click publish on this draft. It's a bit of a cliffhanger, but I didn't write past this point. Once again, sorry! I genuinely didn't think anyone would be looking for updates lol

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It's quiet on the way back from the interview. Henry was driving and Alex was worn out from spilling another one of his well guarded secrets to the general public. Fuck, he hated how exposed it made him feel. Henry was just staring at the tail lights in front of them, completely lost in thought.

Alex felt a bit guilty. This was not how he had intended to tell him. Really, he should have told him ages ago. When he told Alex he had been planning their life together since Rio. When he wrote him that beautiful truth about what the day in Rio had meant to him. But Alex had held it back. He knew relationships were a give and take, a confession matched by confession. But he had held it back anyways.

Henry is still staring straight ahead, silent as stone. Henry frequently reminded Alex of statute. He was Michelangelo's David, proud, dignified, steady, strong, and handsome as sin. But right now he was deflated. Empty. A slab that had been yet to be given a purpose.

Finally, Alex couldn't stand the silence anymore, but he had no idea what to say. Instead, he let's out a lingering sigh mixed with the word "So."

"So." Henry repeats, his voice unsteady. "I was really your first crush then?"

"I mean I think so... I mean obviously I didn't realize what it was at the time, but yeah. I think it was you. There's really no one else it could have been."

"No one?"

"No one..." Alex trails off, uncertain of the words to explain. For a while now, he had been battling an idea. No one had ever made him feel like Henry had, and he deserved to know. To not find out on live TV. "The only other person I've ever really had any feelings for was Nora, and honestly I think I maybe exaggerated how I felt about her to meet everyone's expectations. I knew it was good for the campaign. Other than that it was just one night stands and Liam, but that was really just lust and opportunity. So yeah, really could only have been you."

Henry doesn't respond and continues driving in silence. Henry pulls into their parking spot and they walk quietly to the Brownstone, letting the noise of the city fill in for any need to talk. As soon as they make it through the door, Henry's mask starts to crumble. He collapses onto the sofa in an extremely dramatic and very non-royal fashion. His face empties and Alex can see clear as day that today has transformed into a Bad Day.

This emptiness, simply another mask for Bad Days, still has its tells. Alex can read sadness and disappointment in the tension of his shoulders and subtle shaking of his hands. How had this night gone from Henry overjoyed, unable to keep his lips off of him, to here?

Alex walks to their bedroom and grabs Henry's weighted blanket off the bed. He absolutely despises the thing—who wants to feel like someone is sitting on them all night—but it helps Henry on the Bad Days so he's made his peace with it. On the way back to the living room, he stops and grabs Henry an ice cream cone out of the freezer. You can't get Cornettos in the US, but the ice creams from Trader Joe's are close.

Back in the living room, Henry hadn't moved. He was still staring blankly at the wall. He hates that look with every fibre of his being. It steals the happy, sarcastic, loving Henry from him and leaves a shell in it's place. However, at the same time, he knows it's not the look's fault. The look, in it's own twisted way, is protecting Henry. From his past. From whatever is happening in the present. It's keeping him safe from the pain by leaving nothing behind. Alex just wishes Henry didn't need it anymore. But that's okay. He loves every part of Henry. He doesn't have to like it to love it.

Alex deposits the ice cream cone in Henry's hand and curls up at Henry's side. Then, he gently stretches the weighted blanket out across their bodies. Finally, he turns to Henry and says "Talk to me."

At that, Henry somehow deflates even more. A minute passes and suddenly Henry turns to face Alex and buries his face in his shoulder. Alex starts to relax, knowing that Henry knows that he can trust him with anything. That things aren't too large to bear if they share weight. He feels Henry mutter something against his collar.

"I can't hear you with your mouth push up against my neck, you know."

Henry sighs and pulls back a little to whisper "I don't deserve you."

"Hen, you are quite literally the only one I have ever wanted. You absolutely do deserve me. What are you talking about?"

Henry doesn't answer and instead pulls back even further so that he can unwrap his ice cream cone. But that's okay. Alex can wait. He can tell that this isn't something to force.

Eventually, Henry starts again. "That makes it worse. You never wanting anyone else. It makes me even less deserving."

"What? Is this some type of virgin purity thing? Because I assure you Hen I won't be wearing white to our wedding. Or is that you don't deserve me because you have wanted other people? You know I don't care about that. You're mine now."

Alex can see Henry's frustration building as he snaps, "It's not that."

"Then spell it out for me, Hen. I'm not a mind reader."

"It makes it all so much worse. What I did to you. How I acted. I knew I hurt you in Rio but it's so much worse than I thought it was. And you know that. That's why you never told me. You were trying to spare me, even though I definitely don't deserve it."