AfterLife (countryhumans)

Chapter Twenty-One : Them (C1)

As I child, I tend to see things differently and colorful. And, it become colorless when things grew old.

As one with a royal blood, inside a caste full of beast, I got nothing to protect. But myself.

This castle with high walls that I can never climb, I gave up to be in the other side. I succumb this cold palace, and cold ferocious people.

You can't trust someone, but yourself alone. Even comrades casually betrays allies inside this castle.

I seen them do it, always...

I had a father, a scambag with a hobby to sleep women whoever he likes. An emperor who said to be smart, warrior, and cruel one. Indeed he is, but above all else, he enjoy the sight of blood and despair.

He play with women' heart and body while he play with his children and people wise and bloody. Making sure, no one will takes the throne. He don't want to admit it, but he's obsess to that damn power.

I looked at him, nothing but an eye sore.

While my mother is someone called the empress. The half of the emperor but only by name, she don't have power. Thus, pushing me to gain his emperor's favor.

'Kill' she said.

'Do whatever that it takes for him to look at you' she added.

I looked at her in her eyes, the desperation and hunger for his is visible.

For a woman who lost the favor of the emperor, she can't live without her power. She is, but a crow that attracted in jewels, not a Phoenix who soar higher.

I refuse to do what she want, no.. Not that I refuse but I'm just a child, little child pushed by her to be grown up tomorrow. Thankful, she gone mad before I do.

Then there's this brother I had, he's kind to me, the only one. He's many years older than I am, born with one of the maid that the emperor force to...

But alas, he's all I have. Even with royal blood between the emperor and the empress, I'm just one of many, worse I am without achievement and very young.

Neglected by the emperor like he did to those children he got no interested with. I'm lucky to live as I am a child of the empress. For the other, they're not.

I remember how we meet, is it? No, the first time I remember him was from a banquet held to celebrate his achievements from war. As someone with a mother of poor background, he started to collect achievement from young age. In order to bring her mother up to position, and to acknowledge by others. I held pride for him. And I want to become like him.

That banquet is celebrated, he is part of it but he's credit is not enough to be recognized. While contemplating what to do next, he meet me outside the royal garden. I don't like the noise that time, and gets uncomfortable from others presence, something that I grow up to.

That was the first time we meet, I always see him tailing official but that was the first we spoke. He sense my uneasiness from his presence and try lighting it instead of going away. It turn out, he has a weak spot for children. I known it years later. And reason behind, he want to have younger sibling...

But he can't as her mother belong to the emperor that she is not allowed to any man. And he knows that. He knows younger sibling in blood is not possible. He told me one time how he don't treat our other sibling like one, 'because they are not innocent' he explained. I'm young that time that I didn't understand.

Nevertheless, his story in battle made me ease, a child that indulge in warrior, normally fantasizing about heroes and stuff. And so, I asked tons of things what outside looks like. He said, 'its beautiful' with a shining eyes. Witnessing it, I yearn for that life... I slowly did but that time, it's the spark.

And days with him coming made it fun. He also invited me to his house far away from where I am but its worth it. I meet her mom, she's kind, simple, and hardworking. She still work even becoming under the royal family. It made sense, they are ignore by his majesty that no money for food and need to knocking in their door. They made ways to stay alive.

I never think my days will be more lively and great than it is, but it did. After meeting his mom, I tend to feel emotions I never felt to my so called parents. Its warm and comforting. So, I always go to their house for no reason, no but unreasonable claims to be excused.

With hard work and patient, the day come that he was given a chance to prove himself and that's by sending him in a battle. He got to command the soldiers they assign to him, and he agreed. His mother cry while they talk, they send me out first to play outside but I hide behind the door that made me hear what they're talking about. 'Mother' was acting strange you see when she heard something while cleaning outside.

And the mother, I started calling her like one when she said I can. I accidentally blur out that word out of emotion, someone I truly never had. And since then, I'll call her when we are alone, with brother too but I can call brother where ever we are.

Crying, mother agree upon brother's promise with a bitter face. Brother hug him and I left. Days after, I gave brother a charm I heard to help people to be safe. Looking what I gave, he laugh and made the same promise he had with mom. 'I'll be back.'

And so, we spend days less happy than we do. And there's the time that I was not permitted to leave. It made frustrated and angry that I trash my room but to no avail.

Days passed when I finally succeeded on escaping. But that made my colorful world turn something darker. I discover her body rotten, worms eat her flesh yet no one came to see her. Feeling rose, and it changed me. I know it. I felt it.

The funeral is ending yet brother is not returning. I sent letter with the news, but until the end, he never came. It made angry with him. I am angry even to his return.

He laughs as celebration of his victory welcomes him, a big victory that somehow gave him title as one of the few youngest to contribute such victory for the nation. With anger arose me, I punch him hard when he approach me story telling what he experience the time he's not here. Taken aback from my action, tears flow my eyes that I didn't realised it.

What am I feeling back then..? I think bitterness from his smile and action. Above all else, anger that never die throughout the years it instead grew bigger and fiercer. He came back when I'm in my teens now (human age), capable to punch him hard, something I work hard to achieved. And those years, I hole my self learning and only out to train. I never did obey people's order especially that emperor, resulting some punishment, a petty punishment that made me stronger. But alas, for him to return and not visiting mother all this years first, he got his head big.

When those bitter and saddening tears came. He finally notice amidst. Asking why, where, and so on I slap him with reality.

The star of the banquet is nowhere to be found, he's with me crying at her grave. When I seen his expression the time I said it, I see visible confusion in his eyes. When I calm down, I notice it and some more things. But setting it aside, watching him mourn in tears and regret, it made me to shade yet another waves of tears. I am mad at him but... above all else, I'm very mad at myself. Brother is not here, and I am the one who can protect her but I f*cked up pretty bad- I never had the chance to protect and try.

That agonizing memory and feeling... its still clear. But as time passed, its becoming blurry and unfeeling. Is it because of the passage of time? Or because other 'worst' experience replace it? I'm not sure but I started to go numb, for the first time, after her death and my brother's none presence of that time.
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As you notice, it is a First Point of View (POV). To change something~

Have a great day¡