शिद्दत

6

It's been a week since I came home. And my schedule is just simple. Wake up in the morning and pampers and play with them the whole day. Enjoy every moment which I missed during my reading session. In the evening Karan joins us and till dinner, he stays and then left. He loves both of them and the same goes with them. In the night I read them stories but that is not written by me. When your loved ones are with you, no wish or feeling can remain incomplete. You feel complete and on cloud nine. Whether some loved ones are missing from it but koi nahi chalta hai. At least I know they are still alive and living their life with their grandchildren. I wish my children also live with them but it is just a wish which can never fulfill in this lifetime. I know I let them down. My mother got tired of saying you are too good for him but I was strong on my ground. Always say he will not leave me. He is in love with me and all and sees now apart from my kids nothing I have. Don'teven know he is still alive or not. Where he is? What he is doing? He got married or not. 

"Hey, you look lost?" Karan's clicks bring me out of my thoughts. I snorts and shook my head in nothing. He looked at me suspiciously and I rolled my eyes. We both laughs and held the dishes. As today is Sunday so the food department is on Karan. It's not like I m not helping him. I m but only in chopping as he is poor in that. " So any vision ?" Karan asked while frying chilies. I huffed and shook my head in negative. He clicked his tongue and signed. "Koi nahi just remember to start again before it's late". Karan said and I agreed. I know he has pressure from the third party. They want three parts of drafts but nothing is coming to my mind. All my focus is on my kids. 

"Hey, next week they have a birthday ?" Karan asked surprisingly and I m rooted in my place. Yes, it's August. How I forget their birthday. It was a shock for me. I m their mother and how can I? "Damn" I put the knife on the counter with a thud. Karan turns to me and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. " I forget," I said in a timid voice. I feel ashamed of myself. Everything is acceptable but this is when you love your kids too much and you forget their birthdays. It's really not acceptable. He put his hand on my hand. " It's okay. We have a week. Kuch soch legene. " My mind registered his words but my eyes are focused on his touch. From sometimes he is becoming touchy. He knows that I don't like anybody touching and still he is going there. I know with these gestures he is hitting at me again but I don't want that. I don't want to raise any hope in his mind that we can be together. I can never be. He was my last love and will remain. I slowly withdraw my hand and "Yes we will". I don't look at him. I know his eyes depict the pain but what should I do. I was so much in love with him that I can't see anyone else. Or you can say I made a promise to him that I will always love him whether he is with me or not.