शिद्दत

4

I arrived at Dehradun airport in the evening. Soft instrumental music playing on the speaker. It was six in the evening and the last flight arrival of the day. I turned to Karan and said," I need to use the washroom". He heavenly signed. " Same here". I scoff. We walked but before entering the washroom my breath got hitched. Woody and musky fragrance hit my nostrils at the entrance. The same smell which is my favorite till now. I can't forget how he-- " What happened? " Karan's voice stopped me from going there. I shook my head and entered. I did my work but during that time my mind is running on that fragrance. Whether I ignored in front of Karan but my mind goes to that smell. It was the same fragrance that he always carries. I will never forget how he smells when we were together. I never miss a chance to hug him because I want whenever he smells me he felt himself. 

You are going into dangerous territory now.  My inner voice boomed and I clear my head and walked out. Karan was standing and waiting there. He looked a bit surprised and frowning. " Kya hua ?" I asked and he got confused. "I feel like--umm-- I " but he stopped in the middle. "Nothing". It's all he said. Together we walked out to the parking area where his driver is waiting for us. 

It will be five hours drive to my home. Yes, I live in Nainital for the last two and a half years. Basically, I m from Delhi but when my parents got to know that I m pregnant without marriage they just throw me out by saying" Tune humari izzjat mitti mein mila di. Aaj se tum humari beti ni". But in reality, I was married to him. We got married in a temple. God is our witness but I don't have proof of that or say he didn't want any proof of that so he can live his life as he wants. And now see he is living his life without knowing that he is the father of twins. When we were together we always dream of twins, especially I just cause I don't suffer in pain. As I read and told by others that in pregnancy while giving birth so many changes happened in the body. Whether they were good changes but still I don't want them in twice. But after giving birth to them my mind changed and today I can say those were good changes. 

"Why are you smiling?" I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Karan who was sitting beside me.  "Nothing just remembering my babies' birth". He softly laughs and I smile to him. "Thank you for being there". He smiles and puts his palm on my palm. I feel discomfort in his touch. I know he is my friend but I don't want any hope raised in him. Somewhere I know he likes me too but I never feel that connection or spark which I feel with him.  I slowly pull my hand back. I know it will hurt but this is the right thing for me and for us. "My pleasure". He said and look forward to where I again closed my eyes for some relief and enjoyed my drive with patiently waiting to reach home soon. 

It was midnight when I reached my home and without wasting a minute I rushed to my babies. Both were sleeping peacefully in their cots. Mamta Aunty is sleeping near the window. " Told you" I heard Karan's voice from my behind. I m smile over my shoulder and latch their room. "M bhi chalta hu" Karan said while moving to the hall. I just hummed in reply. He held his luggage and walked out. Before going to my room I again saw them. A content smile appeared on my face. Viman and Manvika. My cute bundles and the love of my life now and then. Because of them, I feel like I m a survivor.