𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐀

Guilt

I woke up early and got ready for school as usual. I went early for school and it had become a habit ever since I was first bullied.

I attended the assembly and went of to class. Though everything was happening like it was supposed to, something was different. It was me, I wasn't feeling like myself.

My eyes were red, my eyelids felt heavy, my cheeks were swollen. Yesterday, after I woke up from my very short nap I decided to go down to the kitchen to help my mother out.

As I was passing I found my mother crying in her room. I had never seen her this way before.

"Mummy, why are you crying?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just leave". She replied coldly. Something about her had changed.

"Mummy, what did Aunty Enita actually do?". I asked, ignoring what she had just told me. Her expression changed... To anger.

"You, do you have any idea how many times I nearly died trying to keep you safe from your father's cruel and heartless family, yet you still end up loving your Aunty Enita more and taking her side most of the time instead of mine. You make me wish you were never born in the first place".

Tears gathered in my eyes and I began to cry, I looked to see if it was actually my mother who had said that to me. She gave me a cold stare and turned around, not wanting to see my face.

It was true, I had always supported and sided my Aunty Enita most times when they had minor arguments. I looked up to Aunty Enita.

My mother wasn't always there for me. She often traveled, claiming to attend to one issue or the other, and I didn't feel the special connection I was supposed to feel between a daughter and a mother.

I felt that with Aunty Enita instead, who frequently missed work just to spend time with I and my siblings. Finally, my mum agreed to settle down in Enugu state three years ago and I was able to spend time with her, knowing she was a housewife.

Am I a bad daughter?

What if I she had been traveling all those years to protect me from bad people and I was at home, giving someone else the special treatment from a daughter my mother deserved.

As all those thoughts ran through my head as I to cried more. I wasn't able to sleep for the rest of the night.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As I entered the classroom, all thoughts of what had happened the day before filled my mind.

I was lost in heart breaking and depressing thoughts which I, unfortunately, couldn't forget.

Aunty Enita was really bad, and she almost killed my mother, and these years I had thought it was my mother who misunderstood her.

All those time I had been spending with the evil woman, Aunty Enita, my mother had been out traveling, moving around just to protect me.

Did Daddy know about that? Why did she have to travel to keep me safe? Why was it so---

"Tega". I was cut short in my thoughts by the person I recognized as our History teacher, "Why are you crying".

Crying?

I felt my face. There were tears continuously dripping from my eyes.

"And why are your eyes red and your cheeks swollen?" KC asked.

"Haven't you guys noticed? She's always looked that way. She's just not a pretty person" Kosi scoffed. Daniel turned around and looked at her angrily and I saw her blush with embarrassment.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. I just slept late last night and woke up really early so the tears are just coming ou--- awwwwwwwwmm" I faked yawned and rubbed my eyes.

"Ok, then.". The teacher went up front and continued with her class.

At lunch:

I tried to eat my food but I lost my appetite. All I kept thinking about were the last things my mum told me that night

"You make me wish you were never born in the first place".

I tried to prevent myself from crying so as not to grab attention.

"Tega are you okay?" I heard someone say beside me. I looked up, it was Kemi. He stared at me with a concerned look on his face and his hands in his pocket.

"Yes, I-I'm fine. I'm okay". I said and faked a smile.

"You're a bad actress, it's obvious you're faking it". He chuckled, "Just tell me, why are you sad?".

Wanting to sit down he looked at KC with a straight face and commanded her to stand up. She looked frightened and left quickly. I sighed. That would be a discussion for another day.

"Kemi, seriously. I meant what I said to the teacher and KC". I lied.

"I know you're lying. Is it Williams?". He asked.

"No".

"Kosi?".

"No".

"Me?".

"Never".

"KC? ".

"No".

"Daniel".

"N--". I looked at him. "How do you know about Daniel?".

"Didn't take me long to find out. The freezing up, speaking gibberish, smiling a lot, I'm a smart boy, don't underestimate me" He grinned.

I laughed a bit.

"Well, it's not Daniel and umm, the reason I'm sad is because of some family issues". I confessed.

"Ok, if it's eating you up this much I want to know what it is". He said, smiling.

"No, no. I can't tell you". I said.

"Aren't I your best friend?" He asked.

"Yeah but, we just met last year and became close friends and after what happened with my friends I'm having trust issues. Maybe few years from now I can talk to you about family issues". I said.

"Ok then". He said with a blank expression. He stood up and began to walk away.

Uh! Tega, why did you get yourself into another problem?! Should I call him back? Or should I let him go? Uh!