Nerd

XII

XII .

WHEN I ARRIVED AT SCHOOL the snow started to lightly fall in small flurries onto the ground, melting on contact. It has been over two weeks since I last saw or even spoke to Amanda. She has been ditching most of the classes that she shares with me, avoiding my complete existence to how it used to be. When she was at school and eyes made contact she'd put her hard mask on to act like we never shared anything intimate. She was treating me the same way I had treated her.

You don't realise how much you miss someone until you no longer have them, having her jumping right back to where we both started to hurt more than her doing everything in her power to avoid me. If this is what heartbreak feels like then I don't want it anymore. Whoever said it was better to love and lost than not loved at all was full of it. Every time she crossed my mind I'd feel a nagging in my chest like a vice, leaving me winded after every thought and memory we shared.

With an exhausted sigh, I slammed my car door shut and locked it, the chill in the air already nipping at my skin as I started to walk towards the school's entrance. I kept my head down until I walked through the heavy double doors, the heat from the inside making my body relax a fraction as I looked for Amanda's face amongst the many different faces of the other students. The sense of disappointment settling in my stomach when I didn't see her, I needed to know that she was at least physically okay.

I carried on walking in between and around people to get to my locker when I heard her laugh, my head snapping up to see her talking with a group of people, only noticing Tiffany, my heart jumping into my throat at the sight of her. The dull ache returned to my chest as it took away the feeling of nerves when Chrissy joined her side, her hand on the small of her back. I clenched my jaw and shook my head trying to relieve myself as I kept walking towards my locker. I hurried and grabbed the books I needed and checked my timetable on the locker door and quickly closed it, taking one last glance at Amanda before I turned away.

When I turned around I had the books slapped from out of my hands and my back slammed against the set of lockers by Chrissy, her hand went to grab onto my hoodie as I quickly slapped her hands away from me and pushed her away with just as much force as she shoved me with.

"Just stop. Stop already." I snarled in her face when she pushed me back against the lockers. "Don't you think you've put me through enough already?" not in the mood for her shit as I grabbed her shirt and pushed her into the wall opposite the lockers.

"What are you going to do?" she taunted me, small groups of people going silent when they overheard the two of us arguing in the corridor. I felt her open palm meet my cheek as she slapped me and pushed me backwards, slapping me for the second time trying to get a reaction.

"I'm not going to do anything," I told her honestly, my teeth biting my tongue.

I looked passed her to see Amanda frowning at the confrontation, her feet glued in place. Chrissy looked over her shoulder to see who caught my eye when she looked back at me with a sickening smile spreading across her face.

"What if I did something to Amanda?" she asked with a smirk as she turned around and grabbed onto her upper arm, a confused look on Amanda's when she pulled her arm from her grasp.

Without thinking I reached out and grabbed onto the back of Chrissy's shirt as I pulled her back and away from her, my body was acting before my head caught up with what was happening when my fist collided with her mouth, already knowing that my day had instantly gotten worse. I ran my hands over my face when the pain worked its way through my knuckles on the right hand.

The only way she could get to me was with Amanda and I'm shocked this is what it had to come to before I'd retaliate after all the harassment I've dealt with through all these years. It took for me to have feelings towards another girl. For me to be in love with her. Finally admitting it to myself.