Nerd

XXII

XXII.

WHEN MORNING TIME ARRIVED, THE sound of Amanda's phone alarm rang out for the third time in fifteen minutes, even though we did not have to be up for another hour. I felt like she sets so many that it annoys her into getting out of bed. We do not even need to be up early this morning, but she has planned out a routine that she has stuck to for years, following it down to a tee. I know this is her way of dealing with what is going on with her mum, keeping a strict regime, not missing any steps and keeping to the minuscule detail. I guess if she can control something, it would get her through the day. Keep her anchored in place, where she can still be present for her mother.

I felt her shift next to me when I wrapped my arms tighter around her body, asking for five more minutes when she wriggled in my arms to try and escape, a heavy sigh coming from her when she stopped moving, a small smile tugging at my lips when I tightened my embrace.

"Can we get up now?" her voice sounded strained from how tight I held her.

I know I already ruined the start of her routine, but if it meant I could hug her a little longer, then I did not care. I reluctantly let her go as she got up and began picking clothes out to get dressed. I did not attempt to move from her bed, it was too comfortable and warm to want to leave it. It was like lying on a firm cloud.

I watched as she got dressed, looking herself over in the mirror before looking in my direction with an unimpressed expression on her face, my turn to let out a groan when she threw my clothes at me, calling out at me to get up as she walked down the stairs.

"Fuck, fine." Trying to sound annoyed as I sat up begrudgingly.

I was awake before the birds. This is sleep deprivation nobody should be awake before the birds.

After having a silent argument in my head, I finally got out of bed and did what I had to do before greeting her stood in the kitchen drinking a coffee, picking up the one she had made for me, needing the caffeine to keep me awake today. I quickly looked at the time to see it was just after 5:20 in the morning. This time around, I gave her an unimpressed look while she stood there and raised an eyebrow at me. I felt my confidence crumble with just one look like she was coaxing me to challenge her.

All I could do was watch her go back to potter around the kitchen, tidying up, making sure she was up to date on school work and that everything was where it should be for the day. When she was awake, she put her body into autopilot, and then when it came to the time to sleep, she would wait until she could not keep her eyes open anymore.

Eat. Sleep. Repeat. For Amanda, it would be to stay busy. Keep moving. Pass out. She was barely eating and barely sleeping.

She looked lost. I could be screaming and waving to get her attention, but all she would hear was static white noise. When I would ask her if she wanted to talk about it, she would always tell me that there was nothing to talk about or hug me and melt into my arms as I held onto her.

I watched her finish her coffee and then proceed to wash the small pile of dishes in the sink that was leftover from the night before. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket when I quickly looked at it to see a message from Ryan, I glanced at the message to read that he had asked me to join him at a house party tonight. All I could do was sigh and put my phone back into my jean pocket, not bothering to give him a response.

Since being back from the cabin, I haven't spoken to nor seen Ryan, I have had conversations with Leah and even grabbed a coffee with her, but for some reason, I was distancing myself from him. Recently I have begun to grow frustrated with the way he has been acting, it is the comments that he throws out that then says that they are a joke when it backfires, it has grown tiresome to the point I walk away instead of acknowledging him.