What Happened to Charli

Nine

     I met with Ann first thing after breakfast, a soggy breakfast burrito. Her office was of mahogany, her white hair slicked back into a bun that pulled her skin. She seemed nice enough, every meeting I went to we talked more and more about home life.

     I had group meetings, too. We all sat in a circle and took turns talking about life, our day, or just whatever thoughts we had. One girl had a cut running from her face down to her neck, when she caught me staring at it she hissed. 

     I learned over the personal meetings with Ann that dissociation could come from my undiagnosed ADHD. I looked at her, confused. "But, I can focus if I want."

     "But you chose not to. And it's not always about not focusing. Maybe you hyper focus." I nodded. She's right, I hyper focused on Charli, then Kirsten, Dana, Daniel, all leading back to Charli. "It could be signs of autism as well," She continued writing in her journal, leaving me staring at her in shock. 

     "So you're saying I have several mental illness'."

     "It's not uncommon, with your home life. Autism is something you're born with, Asher, though that will require some testing. Lucky for you, it's easier to find in boys. Tell me, do you struggle with eye contact?"

     "I... haven't thought about it. I guess sometimes I do, but then I overthink and then stare for too long into peoples eyes." I shrugged.

      "It could be a trait. Again, more testing would be required to figure it out. But dissociation is quite normal for young people when they are often left alone and find themselves uncomfortable. It could stem from your father being emotionally abusive."

     "Do you think my mom has Stockholm Syndrome?"

     "She might. Has she tried therapy?"

     "I don't think so, no."

     "Maybe that will be something for her to look into."

     "Has she came to visit?" I looked at her calendar on her wall, little kittens playing with a ball of yarn. I don't remember the exact date I was admitted, but it was a Monday, making it exactly one week since I've been here.

     "She tries to come during her shift at night while you're in bed. She asks for updates, we asked her not to come until family visitation time."

     "Why?"

     "It could be detrimental to others health and healing if parents could show up randomly." I nodded and thought of the girl who was orphaned at such a young age, how she cries every night because she wants parents. Or of the one guy who talks about how much he hates his parents because they're rich or something. I don't know, I try not to zone out during group sessions but I can't help it. 

     For the first month it was difficult for me to open up about myself and my family to complete strangers. The odds of them not understanding were pretty high, but after I spoke about how I only remember my dad calling me stupid and lazy and very rarely anything kind or affectionate, the kids around me understood because they went through the same thing. 

     I adjusted to life here pretty quickly. Sitting in Anns office, I realized two months had passed.

     "Mom hasn't come yet."

     "This week. Friday. I made an exception for her to come in before her shift at five. Is that ok?"

     "Yes, thank you. Why did she not visit before?"

     "She has, after you went to bed or it was game night. She check on your frequently, calls sometimes. We wanted to make sure you seeing her wouldn't hurt your progress."