What Happened to Charli

Three

     The weekend passed both painfully fast and slowly. During the day I busied myself with housework, I cleaned the kitchen and pantry, did a load of towels and wash clothes, cleaned the nasty bathroom and opened the windows for a few hours to air out the house. I did homework more thoroughly than I ever have, triple checking my answers using the internet. 

     At night though, when I'm in bed, I'm hyperaware of myself. Sometimes I swear I can feel my blood flowing through my veins, hear the circuits in my brain go off when I have a thought. It's so quiet, I can hear the electricity throughout the house. I get up once to turn on my fan and point it directly at me. I get too cold, wrap myself in a blanket burrito. I get too hot, I unwrap myself.

     I'm restless. I'm lost. Nobody has noticed. 

     I wake at six am on Monday, the start of another school week. I'm exhausted and curse myself for staying up so late, fully knowing tonight will be the same story. It's almost like the start of my villain arc, get tired around 5 pm, doesn't sleep because then I won't sleep at night, turns out I can't sleep during the night anyway and when I do, two hours later my alarm goes off signaling another day in hell. 

     I sigh and sit up in bed, cold from the fan blowing on me. I get up and quickly turn it off, turning on my salt lamp on my bookshelf and throw off my sleep clothes. I look into my closet naked, picking out a red flannel and some khakis. Throwing it all on quickly, I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror, the bright light making me cringe. 

     I looked awful. Sleep deprived. Miserable. I pulled the brush through my brown hair and noticed just how long its getting. I sprayed some mousse into my hands, rubbing them together and coiffing my hair. It wasn't perfect but it got the job done. I brushed my teeth and took a swig of purple mouthwash. It burned my mouth, my eyes watered. 

     Back in my room I put on my shoes and grab my backpack already packed from me procrastinating going to sleep. With my backpack on, I turned off my light and went out into the garage, opening the door and keeping it open as I wheeled out my bike. My mom will be home in a little, no point in closing it. I biked through the lightening streets, neighborhood dogs barking in the distance. 

     I just can't wrap my head around this. I pull into the school parking lot, the massive circular buildings shadow looms over me covering the sun just barely shining through the clouds. Cars were filling up the spaces quickly, people stayed outside to meet their friends, small groups laughing loud or whispering to each other. Charli would in the atrium with Dana and Kirsten. 

     Dana and Kirsten! I locked up my bike and walked faster towards the doors, silently hoping they weren't surrounded by people giving them their condolences. 

     I was wrong, though. They were swarmed. A large group hovered around the two, their tears made a river underneath both eyes, I wondered if they would retreat to the bathroom before class to touch up or walk around like that. I silently yelled at myself, they just lost their best friend and I'm being a dick about it. I walked past, dodging people trying to get a word in. I knew better, though. They were after what I was after.

     The why. 

     The how.

     The only difference was, I wanted to get justice. I needed closure. I needed to know if there was something I could have done or said differently to help her. If she would've picked me to be in her inner circle.

     Did she talk to her friends about this? Did she talk to Daniel? Does Daniel know what happened? I kept walking to my locker in a silent battle with myself.