What Happened to Charli

Six

     I didn't know how I would pull this off. I couldn't exactly go up to them and ask them questions as if I was just a curious bystander. They knew I had some kind of connection to the family, if I jumped into it head first they both could easily say I was the one with the charge. They had popularity and friends on their side, the extra help of Charli being their friend once helped a lot too. If I go in accusing them right away, they would easily put me behind bars on something as small as their word. 

     I sat in math class trying to calculate how I would do this. Not if they're together, one at a time. How would I bring it up? Kirsten is already on to me about something, do I just say "Hey, wanna grab a coffee or something at Firefly?" I would probably get laughed at. They were hiding something though, something big. 

     The day passed by quickly, night falling and I found myself dissociated for hours a time, only coming back briefly for dinner while mom questioned me about school and how I was feeling, trying not to bring up the funeral but wanting answers. Dad came home and screamed at her for some reason, I clocked out then. 

     It's a weird feeling, dissociating. When you're younger you don't remember how you did it, it just keeps happening. Now I can do it on command.

     Did Charli ever do this? Did she know about it? Does she feel how I feel when I'm around my dad? I cringed, I hate calling him that. He's not a father, he's a narcissist who can't be told "no" or clean up after themselves. It's weird, my moms whole family hates him, I hate him, and his family hates him. Crazy amount of red flags and mom is a bull.

     It's disturbing. It's sad.

     It's pathetic. 

     But if she wants to live life alone, especially after I leave her and drop all contact, that's on her. I've tried explaining and begging her to leave him, she refuses. She will die alone and her husband will be at the bar drinking her money away.

     I can't feel sorry for her anymore.

     I sighed and looked at my clock, one in the morning. I heard rain hitting my window gently, my small travel fan on low blowing cool air on my forehead, my hair moving. Do I mean what I actually think? I mean, I know I never want to be like him. Never. I know I can't be, either. Too empathetic, no way if I was a narcissist would I be this involved with Charli's probable murder. Something was off, though. Her mother, how her dad wasn't at the funeral, her friends. I wanted to peek through her journal again but I didn't know if I could handle it right now. What I needed to focus on was Kirsten, then Dana. Then maybe Daniel. 

     Growth is realizing I can't tackle big things at once, so I'm doing it one by one and treating myself to dissociating for a while. 

     I snorted.

     That was not normal. A treat would be letting this be and moving on with life. A treat would be discovering a new hobby and carrying on with it. Not being obsessive and then clocking out. 

     I turned over and tried to shut my brain off without doing the devils magic trick again, I closed my eyes and dried to think of a calming scenario, all I got was flashbacks of us in the tub, a tornado siren in the back. Her sad eyes.

     My alarm clock blasted me awake, I sat up quickly, my head feeling pressure.

     Great, a headache to start my morning. I rolled my eyes and winced, leaning over to click the red "off" button. Do I take the day off to rest, or do I just pop two Excedrin and be on with it?

     I went with the latter, turning on my salt lamp I got around, I heard the rain still hitting my window calmly and decided to just walk to school. No sense in ruining my bike. I grabbed my black umbrella and bookbag and headed out, the fog and crunching of leaves making me feel more alive then I ever have, The way the trees moved, the sprinkling and the puddles. I was in love with this weather, and I knew she would be too.