What Happened to Charli

Seven

      I don't even know what to think or do. Danny has been distant with me for the past few weeks, it's because I refused to have sex with him. When I confronted him on it, he played it off like it wasn't that big of a deal, but the way he pressured me that night made me think otherwise. 

     Kirsten and Dana have been mad at me. I don't know why and I exploded on them, angry at my failing relationship, angry at my parents, angry that my best friends thought they were better than me. Dana made an accusation again Danny and instead of being a good friend and believing her and comforting her, I walked away. I didn't even say anything, I didn't know what to say to something so serious.

     I put the final nail in our friendship coffin. I knew what I did was wrong, I wish I could go back and do it differently. The look in her eyes, how sad she was. She wouldn't lie about this.

     The worst part, I believe he did it. 

     I sat in my bed, re-reading every single word over and over until it got bleary. Charli never mentioned what happened to Dana, what she could have possibly lied about, but it was there. What she was insinuating, that her boyfriend did this to Dana, made me angry.

     I always knew Daniel was a douche bag, but this sealed it. He was worse, the scum of the earth. I didn't like Dana all that much but she didn't deserve this, no one did. And the audacity to show up to her party tonight like it wasn't that big of a deal, like he didn't do something so wrong and vile. 

     I closed her book and hid it back in it's spot, turning off my light I stayed sitting up in bed, trying to shut off how she looked tonight. I realized now it wasn't anger, it was fear. Dana is scared of Daniel, scared that he would try again. Maybe not on her, but maybe Kirsten who was under the influence. But then the thought came: what if he raped Charli and that was her final straw? Would she bother to right about it? Would she just sit on this, no one to turn to? 

     I laid down and covered my head with my blanket, in the fetal position. I couldn't cry. I felt nothing again. Nothing, but the realization that this happens to millions of girls on the planet. Not just something on t.v. shows, this was real life. Even worse, there was nothing they could do about it, because the system favors males and does jack shit to protect the women. 

     And I had to face her tomorrow. Do I bring it up? Tell her I know? Definitely not. She probably feels embarrassed even though she shouldn't. I sighed and stuck my head out of my covers to get some air, heading back under and closing my eyes tightly. 

     I have lived under a rock my whole life, my being all but a bubble. 

     How crazy, to live in the same time as someone but lead a completely different life with different experiences. Something that if I tried to think about, my head would burst into a million pieces.

     "That wouldn't be so bad," I whispered, then flinched. Intrusive thoughts hit me like a brick. I was safe and in my bed. Dana was at home, probably reliving her nightmare and taking care of her drunk best friend while her other best friend was six feet under. 

                                                                    ..........

     I woke around noon, the house quiet as usual. Mom was probably sleeping, dad gone. With the newfound knowledge, I was slow getting around today. I ate slowly, brushed my teeth slowly, I even peed slowly. Everything just seemed warped and not real. I was so dazed I sat on my bed for nearly an hour, slowly got ready and biked over to Danas. It was quite sunny out, the sun bounced off the concrete and the rays hit my eyes, by the time I made it to her house I had a headache from squinting. I hid my bike behind her large tree and skipped up her porch steps, knocking on her wooden door.