Spider-man oneshots

3- Spideypool

AN/ Secret Family opening + Spideypool

TW : Swearing

Prompt : The Avengers need a safe place to lay low for a while, Peter says he knows a place where they can go. They meet Peter’s family with his SO who happens to be a certain merc-with-a-mouth.

Words : 1337

POV Peter

The quinjet touches down in the middle of a field surrounded by a forest and a small lake. The place is beautiful and peaceful. 

When they step out of the plane, they come face to face with the cutest little cottage, the type that only belongs in Disney fairy tales. The faces of the team only hold confusion and they look like they have so many questions, which is why I lead the way and walk to the door while they follow me.

When I get to the door, I open the hidden fingerprint scanner on which I press my hand, then scan my eye.
“Welcome home Peter.” Greets my AI. “I see you have company.” 
“Yeah, hey M.” I responded sweetly. “Team, that’s M, my AI. M say hi to the team. Also give them access to the house. I wouldn’t want them to get blasted away.” I add the last part under my breath.

“Hello Avengers and welcome.” She greets them happily and they all nod as the door opens. I see Tony and Bruce looking around trying to get some information on the inner workings of the technology, because yay science ! 

“Honey I’m home !” I yell when we’re all through the doors. They’re once again confused and their brains practically scream questions at me ( Why did you bring us here if there's already someone ? Honey !? Where are we ? Kid, did you make that AI ? Who else is here ? No but seriously, about that AI ?)

Coming from a room on the second floor we hear a loud and excited “Baby boy !?” and it sounds like someone is running, two someones actually.
The first one is a little girl with her long blond hair in a ponytail and green eyes. She’s wearing a light pink dress with lots of rainbow bracelets around her tiny wrists. She has the biggest and brightest smile as she comes running down the stairs.

“Daddy !” She exclaims as she barrels into my open arms and throws her arms around my neck to give me a hug.
“Hi princess” I greet her while giving her a kiss on the forehead.

When I look back up, I see my husband placing our son on the ground so he can run to me on his little feet, which is the cutest thing ever. I engulf him into a big hug as well and give him an exaggerated kiss on the cheek before I run a hand in his hair and whisper “Hey bud”.

I eventually get back to my feet, with my daughter hugging my leg and my son in my arms, I turn to see Wade standing against the guard-rail watching us with a smile. We lock eyes together and he makes his way towards us. He cups my cheek with his hand, his lips lock with mine.

After we part I finally look back and see the Avengers seemingly frozen in time with the most bewildered expression on their faces and looking absolutely uncomfortable and disoriented.

“Ok what the fuck ? Am I seeing things because of the wound or… ? What kind of drugs did you guys give me ?” Clint is the first to break the silence. Steve can’t even chastise him for his language because he’s too shocked himself.

“Papaaaa, he said a no-no word.” The youngest of our kids said, his finger pointing directly at Clint. To which Wade gasped dramatically and responded “I know ! That’s naughty he should know not to do that. You little guys do know not to, right ?”
They both nodded animatedly. 

“But you also know that you shouldn’t point fingers at someone like you did because it’s not polite. And you’re a good kid right buddy ?”
“Yes ! Sorry Papa. Sorry Mister.” He added the last part turning to Clint.
My husband leaned in and pressed a kiss on the forehead of the little guy resting in my arms before ruffling his hair. I watched their interaction with a soft smile and I could feel my body finally relaxing after weeks of avengers business keeping me away from my family. 

I hear Natasha clearing her throat to get our attention back on the fact that the team is still standing awkwardly in the living room and watching  with wide eyes.

“So…” I start with a sheepish smile.
“Guys this is my husband Wade Wilson-Parker and our two kids Leia and Ben.”
“Hi ! We already know everybody’s name so…” adds Wade waving at them. He’s of course smiling excitedly because he has questionable social skills and can’t pick up the uneasiness in the room. Also, he’s definitely a fan boy and has begged me dozens of times to introduce him to them.

“I’m sorry kid but you have kids ! And a husband ! And a house in the middle of nowhere with an AI -we will get back to that AI by the way- but why didn’t you ever tell me Underoos ?”
Mr Stark exclaimed sounding both excited and lost -but also a little heartbroken I guess
 ?-

Before I could answer, Ben jumped from my arms and headed towards Tony.

“Hi mister, I’m Ben Anthony Wilson-Parker. There are pictures of you in the house. Daddy said I had the same blood as his dad. And he said I had the same name as the 2 greatest men he knew -except my Papa of course. He said they were like dadas to him. Are you my daddy’s other Dada ?”

I almost choked on my spit and reached a hand to grab Wade’s, not daring to look at Tony at first. But when my eyes met his, I saw they were glistening and glassy with tears and held a look of pure love and adoration. Tony looked down and crouched to be leveled with Ben’s small frame. He turned his gaze back to me with a meaningful glance.

“Yeah I am” He told Ben -but mostly me- with a voice filled with emotions. “and that also means that I am your Poppa.” He added bopping him on the nose. Tony faced our way and continued “I’m yours too Peanut”, gesturing for Leia to come to him.

After a beat Tony stood up, Leia holding his hand and Tony’s resting on Ben’s shoulder, and told the room with a relieved expression “Thank you -I guess-”, he made a vague hand gesture in Thor’s direction “I never had to give you The Talk kid, or you the Shovel Talk, Baldie.”

Which elicited laughter to fill and echo through the nice roomy house, and Thor to look positively confused as to how it was his doing but he looked thankful to be of help anyway. Had Loki been there, he would’ve called him a big oaf for not understanding the reference -one so obvious at that.

“How did you two meet by the way ?“ Asked Bruce, who had, due to his shy nature and shock-stricken state, stayed silent the entire time.

“Oh you know vigilante business, regular Spidey and Deadpool team ups, Team Red, all of that.” 

Even though I thought that at this point nothing could shock them more, the revelation earned various responses. Mostly utter bewilderment and lots of surprised shouts and yelled questions.

“Wait, you're Deadpool ?”
“Knew it.”
“I’m sorry what ?!”
“The merc-with-a-mouth ? That’s you ? Crazy guy, mercenary, unkillable ? You are married to Peter ? Friendly-neighborhood-spider-boy, literal angel, savior of the bad guys; puppy dog eyes and all ?”

Although suddenly everyone quieted down and faced Tony who had been uncharachteresticaly silent. 
“You’ve never been this quiet in your entire life Tony.” stated Natasha.
“Yeah well, what’s done is done.” He replied jaded.

“So anyway about that AI ?”