20 Million Tiny Particles

30. The Last Diamond Party

It was I who broke the silence and sent Sheridan the first text.

"I'm sorry for what happened."

I wasn't sure if she'd respond to it, and I didn't want to leave it open. I knew that it wasn't a breakup, but I also knew I needed to be the one to firmly shut the door on the summer, and on us. I didn't know what would become of me and Sheridan, but this chapter had to end. I couldn't keep up with it.

So I sent a second message moments later. "I don't think it's smart for me to keep selling Diamondesq. It doesn't make sense for me. But I have a lot of products left and I'd like you to have them."

It felt like a dying wish -- one last olive branch to bequeath to her. No hard feelings, I hoped, though I knew it was a stretch.

I was sitting in the shop's fake living room. Mayo was curled up on the window, his tail spilled over the edge of the sill like a throw blanket, white and fluffy. It was August, and the sun banged up against the glass of the window as hot as it ever had. I had ice in my water bottle to keep myself cool as the air conditioner fought with the heat of the windows. I took a sip -- water. It was weird that I had to recondition myself to like the taste of something so flavorless.

It was weird to taste what life had been like before all of this.

It took Sheridan only a few minutes to respond, to her credit. It wasn't unusual for her -- she didn't stay mad, even after all we'd been through and all she'd said to me that day in the gym.

"You sure?" was all she said.

I didn't know exactly which part she was responding to, but regardless, I knew that I was sure. About all of it. Like Dad had said when I'd asked him if had to sell the shop, the math was right in front of me. It was simple.

I had to move on from all of it -- from this town, from Diamondesq, from the shop, from Mom. In a sense, at least. I knew that all of these things would be with me, that I wouldn't soon forget the weird vibrancy of the summer, but I couldn't stay sunk in it before the quicksand would overtake me. I had to push myself out, and go forward, somewhere.

Dad was in final talks with a potential buyer for the shop. Once they decided to move forward with selling, we'd have thirty days to move our personal items from the house, leaving the contents of the store for new management.

The timing worked out as well as it could for me, since I'd decided to take an acceptance offer at pretty much the only school with one still on the table this late in the summer. It was still in Georgia, but further down south, so I'd be marginally closer to Dad as he planned to move closer to his family in Florida. I didn't know anyone at the school, or even what I'd study. It wasn't my first choice, but that tended to be what I expected from life these days.

And as unwanted as it was -- the school, the moving, all of it -- I did feel excited. Fearfully so, sure, but excited. I wasn't ready, not for any of it, but I trusted that I could do it. I was sure of it.

Sheridan sent a follow-up to her initial response. "I'll buy the product from you. You can come by tonight, I'm having a party at 7 so just come before then."

I knew there was a diamond party happening tonight, or at least some far-back part of my mind did. It was probably on my calendar. But Sheridan's wording was clear enough; I wasn't invited anymore. I wasn't a part of this anymore -- not the club, not her circle, none of it. And I had to be okay with that.

I texted back "okay" and closed my phone. I wasn't going to make her buy the product; if anything, I owed it to her. I knew that I had never been in this to help Sheridan make money. Hell, I wasn't even in it for my own money. I did all of it for control, and taking Sheridan's money at the end of it all was the least I could do to relinquish this last bit of control and loosen my grip on this weird, awful season of my life.