A Price Above Rubies

Chapter Thirty Two

Hilal secretly watches her daughter for about a minute from behind the door. Acelya has a doll in her lap, a pretty thing with long light brown hair that must have been a gift from either her grandmother or her aunt. She's absently stroking the doll's frilly yellow dress but not really playing with it. She's distracted, her mind somewhere else, her eyes fixed at some point on the wall of the bedroom she's sharing with Yorgo. Acelya hasn't even complained about that and back home she'd just recently gotten the luxury of a bedroom all to herself now that Leon had deemed her old enough to have her own room and converted the guestroom in their house to one of her own. 

Yorgo is fast asleep in the bed while Acelya sits on the carpeted floor, alone with her thoughts. 

And what thoughts must they be, Hilal thinks, her eyes burning with tears. Oh my poor sweet girl.

She knocks softly, and Acelya startles as if a bomb had gone off in the room, so deep was she in her own mind. 

"Can I come in?" Hilal asks softly. 

Acelya's eyes are wary, as if she knows why her mother is there and is not thrilled about having to talk about. 

But Hilal knows how desperately her daughter must talk about it. Her own mother, Azize, had insisted she purge herself of all her thoughts when a similar thing happened to Hilal during the war. 

Acelya nods slowly and Hilal walks in, settling down next to her on the floor, a bit of a feat considering how her baby belly seems to be getting bigger every day. 

"Did Grandmother Veronika give you the doll? She's pretty," Hilal begins carefully.

Acelya nods again. 

Hilal looks over at Yorgo and then wrinkles her nose playfully at Acelya. "You must miss having your own room, I bet." 

Acelya looks behind her at Yorgo on the bed. A small quirk of a smile and hope stirs in Hilal's chest. "A little bit, but...it's kind of nice when I have nightmares and he sings songs for me like Papa when you and Papa were gone. He gets the words wrong but that's okay."

Their little boy comforts his big sister when she has nightmares because of what she's seen. Hurt replaces the hope in Hilal's heart and tears fill her eyes. She tries her best to blink them back. Her daughter needs her strength now, not her tears. 

"You know I was a nurse back in the war,right?" Hilal asks her.

Acelya nods. "And a rebel fighter too," she adds and Hilal smiles at the pride in her little girl's voice. 

She clears her throat and forces herself to continue. "There was a lady that came in and she'd been… hurt by some Greek soldiers." When Acelya is old enough to understand the specifics, she and Hilal will talk about that. Now...Hilal feels she's too young to learn about such ugliness. "She was very sad and afraid and well, she decided to end her life."

Acelya watches her mother now with growing understanding and Hilal doesn't think she realizes it but the little girl leans closer to her. 

"Like Auntie Clara?" Acelya asks quietly.

Hilal nods. "Just like that. I found her and I was very afraid and confused when I saw her. I was very lucky that I had my mother there, your Grandma Azize to help me and explain to me that sometimes, even though life is so precious and there is always hope if one is patient,  people can't handle the amount of sadness inside of them and it's bigger than the hope. Sometimes the sadness wins."

"Auntie Clara had too much sadness because Uncle Ali died? But what about her babies? Now they don't have not only a daddy but now not a mommy too."

Hilal sighed, trying to find the right words. "Sometimes the sadness clouds your mind so you can't think straight. It lies to you and tells you you'll never feel better. If she believed that, maybe that's why Clara left the babies to your Auntie Yildiz and Uncle Yakup, because she thought they could take care of them when she couldn't anymore."

"I guess that's good because Auntie Yildiz and Uncle Yakup are a good mommy and daddy to Uncle Mehmet even though he's not their born son." 

Hilal nods. 

Acelya leans her head on her mother's shoulder. "I was really scared when I saw her hanged up like that. Do you think it's bad I was kind of mad at her too? For leaving the babies? I'm not anymore cause of what you said. She couldn't help it if the sadness was too big for her."

Hilal kisses the crown of her head. "It's understandable to feel that way. What's important is we try and have compassion and understand how the other person must have been feeling."

"Do you think it hurts? To die like that?" Acelya asks.

Hilal shudders, praying the woman's neck snapped quickly because Yakup had been hung once and it was only by the grace of Allah that her father had arrived in time to save his friend. Yakup had described the moments before Cevdet had saved him and… Hilal shudders again before she can stop here. "It's quick," Hilal explains not really lying because usually one's neck snaps instantly and it's over. Usually. 

"But let's not focus on how she died. The important thing is how she loved and the kind of person she was. Did you like getting to know your aunt?" 

Acelya nods and smiles a little. "She would help Grandma Veronika cook and they'd let me help them. She liked to sing while we cooked and taught me some songs. She always let me feel the babies when they moved in her tummy." She eases back and looks down at Hilal's belly. "Is the baby moving?"

Hilal takes her hand and places it on her stomach. "Let's see if he'll say hi."

"It's a boy?" A flicker of disappointment moves across her eyes before Acelya can hide it and Hilal laughs a little

"Oh I'm not sure. Just being general but you make a good point. We should say he or she. You're hoping it's a girl, hmm?"

Acelya bites her lip and shrugs. "It's okay if it's another boy. It would just be nice to see if it'll be different to be a girl's big sister. We can be best friends and share girly secrets like you and Auntie Yildiz." 

Hilal nearly laughs out loud at that. She loves her sister and they're close now but that was certainly not the case when they were younger and Hilal was convinced her older sister was a shallow vain brat who lived to make her life miserable. She decides her little girl doesn't need to know that and she just smiles. 

"Oh there we are. Feel that?" Hilal presses Acelya's palm flat against her stomach as she feels a familiar flutter. 

"Oh I feel it, mommy!" She exclaims, her face lighting up. "I bet it's a girl...but it's okay if it's another boy. I just bet it's a girl." She hugs Hilal. "Thank you for explaining things like Grandma did for you, mommy. I feel lots better," Acelya assures her. 

Hilal hugs her tightly. "I'm so glad, my sweet girl."