Mi Amor

3

A/n: sorry for the late updates school is being very stressful rn so I don't really have time to write. If there's anything specific that you want me to write in this story just dm me or comment it. ALSO! I'm going to skip a bit in the next chapter, so y/n and the team think Emily is dead and Hotch ends up explaining to them that she's not.
⚠️TW⚠️: Mention of suicidal thoughts and SH
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Seven months after Emily died...
Y/n's pov:
It's been seven month since Emily died, we didn't make it in time to stop Doyle. Now she's gone, forever. It's hard getting up each morning and going into work and knowing that she's not there anymore, that I'll never see her again. I've stopped talking to everyone on the team, the only time I talk to them is when we have a case or if one of them asks me something about work. Reid tries to get me to go over to Rossi's with the team but I feel like if I go it'll just bring back memories. I just simply don't have the motivation to do anything anymore, I've lost interest in doing the things I like to do. I don't really do anything anymore. Everyday after work I'm either in my room laying down and on my phone or watching tv, I'll get a text from the team here and there to see if I was alright. I told each of them the same answer I've been telling people for years, "I'm fine" or "I'm okay". I've never been the person to talk about my feelings to others, I bottle up my emotions instead. I guess since my mother never really gave best advice when it came to my siblings going through depression , she always brought religion into it for some reason, so me hearing her tell my brother to just pray for his suicidal thoughts to go away made me just keep to myself instead. So I guess I got used to it. It's not a healthy thing to do but after all those years of not being able to express my feelings it just feels like If I tell someone how I feel they'll just tell me that it's all in my head and that I'm just overreacting, which I know no one in the team will tell me those things but it's still hard to open up to someone.

I can't help but wonder if anyone would notice that I'm gone. Would anyone care if I died? My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my door bell ringing, I got up slowly and checked the peephole since I wasn't expecting anyone. When I looked through I saw Reid and JJ so I opened the door.

Y/n: What are you guys doing here?
JJ: Well hello to you to. We came over to spend time with you.
Y/n: Oh uh my place is pretty messy right now and I don't really feel like hanging out sorry.
JJ: y/n come on, you never hang out with us anymore. Just a couple hours and then we'll leave.
Y/n: Fine

I moved out of the way so that they could come in.

Y/n: Sorry about the mess
Reid: It's okay, it's not that bad

I looked down at what I was wearing, an oversized sweatshirt with bloodstains on the sleeves and a pair of sweatpants.

Y/n: I'll be right back

I left to change into something clean and casual before going back to JJ and Reid.
Reid: why did you change?
Y/n: I spilt some soda on my other sweater
JJ: So we were thinking of getting ready with you to go to Rossi's
Y/n: I thought we were hanging out
JJ: we are, just at Rossi's. You know like a family.
Y/n: Hm well I think I'm ready
JJ: You're going to go to dinner in a sweater and jeans?
Y/n: What's wrong with what I'm wearing?
JJ: Nothing, let's just go.

I grabbed my phone and keys and left with Reid in his car while JJ was in hers. The ride was quiet at first but then Reid started telling me about all the things the team has done and telling me how he wished I would have went with them.

Reid: Can I ask you a question?
Y/n: Sure
Reid: Why don't you spend time with us anymore?
Y/n: What do you mean?
Reid: You've stopped talking to us, the only time you talk is when we're on a case and you have to say something. Other than that you ignore our presence and just go on with your day. You used to say Good morning to us every day, now you don't. You've also stopped coming to Rossi's, which you never did before Emily died.
Y/n: Well I've been busy and I just wanted to be alone.
Reid: I get that but it's been 7 months y/n, you have to understand that what happened to Emily wasn't your fault.
Y/n: I know it wasn't my fault.
Reid: Then why did you have blood on your sleeves earlier?
Y/n: I- that wasn't blood. I told you I spilled soda on myself.
Reid: So if I asked to see your wrist I wouldn't find anything
Y/n: Is this why you wanted me to come, so you can ask me all these questions?
Reid: I'm just worried about you.
Y/n: Well I don't need you to worry about me, I'm fine on my own.
Reid: No you're not.
Y/n: Can we just stop talking about this, please?
Reid: Fine

When we arrived at Rossi's I got out of the car and went inside leaving Reid behind. I greeted everyone and sat down in he living room until the food was ready. Penelope talked about how she wanted to have a girls night and how she has everything planned out. She seemed really excited so I told her I would go. I had a great time, we laugh and shared funny stories of each other. It felt great to be around all of them again but I still couldn't stop thinking about Emily the whole time I was there. She just made everything better.

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A/n: I'm sorry if this didn't make sense.