controlled

chapter five

Word count: 1540

HARRY POV:

"Oh my God. Oh my God. I didn't just do that. Why is he acting as though nothing happened, did it not happen?" Harry shoved his shirt over his head and waited for Louis to return from the door.

"Haz, pizzas here." He lay the pizza down in front of him.

"Crap, crap, crap." He thought to himself. Harry wasn't ready to eat, nor was able to, Kevin would kill him.

"Thanks, but I'm not going to lie, I'm not very hungry." Louis nodded his head,

"Just try one slice for me," Harry didn't want to make it obvious so he reached over and grabbed a piece.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to. I should have gotten something different." He felt bad now.

"No, no It's okay. I just haven't had pepperoni in a while, that's all." Harry lifted the pizza to his mouth and took a bite, "see, I do like it. Could I quickly use your bathroom?" it was sudden but he couldn't help it, he wanted that pizza gone. Louis gave him the directions and he ran off. As soon as he made it, he quietly shut the door behind him. And that's when the regret hit him.

"Why did I eat it I'm so stupid, I should have figured something else out. Kevin's going to find out and I'm going to lose my job, what if he finds out I-I made out with Louis...." Harry dropped himself next to the toilet and shoved his fingers down his throat. It wasn't the first time he's done this, to be truthful it gave him a sign of relief. It only took him 5 minutes before the bite of pizza had come back up, but it didn't feel like enough. He got off the floor and looks himself in the mirror.

"Your Useless, you know that right. Give up. No one needs you, besides they already have a new model and to be honest, he's better than you." Harry's mind spoke. In the corner of his eye, he saw what looked like Lou's razor.

"Do it. Don't be a pussy." Harry Snapped the blades out and looked down at his wrists. The blade was cold, but It felt nice against his bare skin. Blood dripped down his arm and onto the floor. Harry only stopped when the blade slipped out of his hand.

"Fuck." He thought and looked down at the blood. He needed to clean up before Louis saw. As he shoved everything into the bin he got up, it felt like he was punched in the head, he felt back down crashing into the bin making such a noise Louis would have had to of heard.

"HARRY? HAZ?" he heard footsteps run to the front of the door. Quickly he stood up and put his arms behind his back. He had to pretend everything was okay.

"Harry, what happened?" Louis' hands shook.

"Promise you won't laugh" he begun before making up the excuse saying tripped over the bin. Lou let out a laugh.

"Louieeeee, You promiseddddd." I whined "now you owe me one of your hoodies," Harry has no idea what he was saying. He wanted the hoodie to cover his arms, but he also wanted one because they were Louis'.

"Or what" he teased

"If you don't get me one, I'll find one for myself." Harry obviously got what he wanted. He ended up with a blue hoodie and a new nickname. Blue. To match Louie's eyes.

Harry awoke the next day excited for work, he knew for a fact it was because of Louis he just didn't know why. Everything was good until he looked down at his wrist. Ugly fresh slashes were dug into his arm. He had some regret but not much considering it gave him Relief. Luckily, he had scar covering makeup, but he was scared it wasn't going to last.