She Devil | ✔︎

Forty-six.

Kenji's POV

I'm falling for her.

However, I am unable to be with her. My father adored my mother, and she is no longer with us. My brother fell in love and died as a result of it.

It's probably a familial trait. Everything we care about disintegrates into ash.

I understand she wishes to be happy, but she will not be. She is born broken, and she has every right to be so.

She can now fill her life with blades and blood, but it will not make her happy. There isn't much that can be done about it.

And we're here. Fighting for something we both can't have, as she battles her demons to find happiness, I'm sabotaging my happiness by avoiding her.

And I've realized that I'll never be able to have the kind of relationship I desire. and for as long as she is still alive. even if I don't admit it.

A part of me, a silly part of me, will continue to hold on to that possibility.

I used to believe that love was something that only fools believed they felt.

But this woman has a grip on my heart that I couldn't break if I tried, and I couldn't stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

Everything about her drives me insane; it's the small things she does that she believes no one notices, but I do.

the way she gets nervous when I'm around her.

the way she only laughs around certain people.

the genuine concern she has for Massimo, Vince, and the others.

the way she seems to be at ease with me without even realizing it.

her laugh.

Oh, and her laugh is contagious; I could watch her paint dry for hours and never get tired of admiring her beauty.

But that doesn't change the fact that I won't be able to be with her; I'll adore her in private and despise her in public. I need to get her away from me as soon as possible.

emotions cloud judgment.

She also has one month left until she departs permanently. She's going to finish whatever massacre she was working on while she was there.

But, before I start the silent treatment, I'm taking her somewhere. Perhaps it is foolish to show her the place, but I was once advised to show this location to the girl I first fall in love with.

Flashback.

"What this is?" I point to my mother's necklace, "This is the necklace that your father gave me when we first fell in love, my boy. I'll keep it safe for you until you find the one with whom you fall in love and present it to her." She runs her fingers through my hair.

"What if I don't manage to find her?" I sigh, "Many girls will like you, but someday you will meet a girl who you will learn her favorite color, candy, flower, and food, and even if you won't be able to give her any of those things, it won't matter because you chose her above all others, and only that girl will earn your heart." she concludes.

"I'd like for you to meet the girl I'll love," I said humbly. "I will baby. " She kisses the top of my head.

End of flashback.

Oh mama, I wish you could see the girl I adore. I know you're looking down from above at me. I only wish I had more opportunities to hug you. I take out the note she wrote for me before she went on that assignment and died.

Dear Kenji,

If you're reading this, I'm guessing I died or you found it earlier than you should have. I understand how afraid you are of loving, but the first rule of truly living is to do everything you're afraid of.

When you're upset, you sprint straight ahead and don't stop until you reach your destination. People in your life will try to hold you back and slow you down, but don't let them. Don't turn around.

And no matter how much you miss me or how much agony you're in, never delete anything we've ever shared; even if you're drowning in sadness, hold on to every moment we've ever had, every laugh, every glimmer of happiness.

and when you're ready to let go. Allow yourself to relax.

It's just life, it will be over before we know it.

as a result, heal Heal my boy, heal from the wounds, scars, and agony this cruel world has inflicted upon you; the past can be painful, but you can either learn from it or flee from it, in my opinion.

I don't want you to be broken because of this, my boy. I'll always be on the lookout for you.

I only want 5 more minutes with you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to go. All I want to do is be with you, but I won't be able to. I need you to keep yourself safe, okay?

I love you.

P.S. momma.

Her words always bring me comfort.

If only we had 5 minutes together.