Star Wars, The Clone Wars Minisodes

Thanks to a Captain

requested by sadstrarwarsfan14

(GN reader! Depressed.self hurt)

---if you do feel like the world is not moving in your favour, never NEVER result to harm yourself. There are always people you can talk to. It doesn't have to be your parents or your family members or friends. People can always surprise you with good deeds and there will be someone who would be willing to hear you out and help you. PLEASE don't hurt yourself in anyway because there are always people who will look out for you. YOU ARE LOVED!---

You sat hidden away in one of the gunships, feeling all alone and sad. Most of the 501st were sound asleep in the great Jedi cruiser. You had tried to get some sleep earlier but failed since your mind decided to keep you awake for the worst possible reasons. 

It was the war; so endless it seemed like peace could never be reached. The quiet repair bay provided you with an escape from the empty grey ceiling of your quarters that became a canvas for your mind to project scary thoughts of you failing your friends and yourself on the battlefield.

The light reflecting off the switchblade you held seemed so alluring at that particular moment. Thumbing the sharp edge of the blade you gently applied pressure when your finger reached the tip of the blade, drawing a string of blood as the blade pierced the skin. Hissing, you dragged your thumb down the blade creating a deeper cut into your thumb. 

A sad chuckle left your lips, slowly inviting the stinging sensation and the following numbness that settled in your finger. Although the images and scenarios that played in your mind haven't actually taken place, you could not help but overthink. Truth is, you weren't a clone and originally not part of the GAR. 

It was by chance that the general of the 501st, Anakin Skywalker stumbled upon you during one of his missions to a dingy planet. There he acquainted himself with you and turns out, you and him forged quite a great kinship. Anakin saved you from a life of poverty and loneliness and somehow managed to convince the council to adopt you into the 501st. Soon, you met the 501st's Captain Rex and their commander, Ahsoka Tano and they introduced you to the rest of your squad. All of you got along swimmingly, forming a bond unlike any other. The clones were warm and welcoming and made you feel at home, Ahsoka and Anakin were great friends to you.

One might have taken a look at your bond with them and thought that you were a family at first glance. That was how close you were with them. 

That is also why you fear failing them. They were skilful in mechanics, weapons, programs and so many other things while you were just handy with a blaster. So many thoughts swam across your mind in fear of letting each and every one of them down so it ate at you day and night. You tried to hide it the best you could, but the more you tried the more depressed you became until suicidal thoughts came to mind. 

Even your friends began to notice it. They tried to comfort you as soon as they realised something was off about but then you began to hide yourself from them, avoiding them like a plague. 

Luckily for you, one person was determined enough to look for you that night after not seeing you during dinner. Something ate at Captain Rex's heart that night and filled him with a sense of dread, it was pulling worrying thoughts about you. Deciding not to brush it off, he went looking for you in the late hours of the night. Upon walking to your room, he saw you sneak out quietly. Rex silently followed you to wherever you were headed with worry. 

Then he saw you turn down the venator's corridors and you entered the repair bay. He watched as you slumped down in an empty gunship. It was quiet for a while, then a glint caught his eye. Rex almost shouted in fear as he thought you were about to stab yourself with the blade but held himself back when he saw that you simply began to toy with it. 

Still, his heart raced and nearly skipped a beat when you cut your thumb with the blade. Finally, he decided to take control of the situation before it escalated any further. 

---

The cut in your finger drew deeper while you continued to press the blade to your flesh. Tears stung your eyes and threatened to fall but you held it in. Just as you were about to make another incision to your other fingers, a gloved hand suddenly but gently wrapped itself around the blade and moved it away from your hand. 

Sighing, you looked up to find a sad smiling captain. You grunted unhappily when Rex questioned why you weren't in bed. 

"I think it is quite obvious now" Rex's eyes filled with sadness. He gently rested his body next to yours without saying anything keeping the blade far from your reach. Neither of you spoke because neither of you needed to. 

After a while, a sob racked through your body. Rex offered the silence for you to let out your emotions. Painful cries came from you as you finally released your built-up sadness in the form of salty tears. Slowly you began to lean into Rex's side and your cries quiet down into shaky breaths. 

"I'm sorry (y/n). I should have approached you earlier." 

You further nestled into the captain's side, "It's not your fault. You guys did try to reach out to me and I hid away." 

The captain eyed you sadly. He definitely felt guilty for not being there for you sooner. "When I saw you with the blade, I feared the worst," he said. 

"Please, please, don't do that again"

You cried more into Rex's pleas, nodding shakily into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" you rambled through a waterfall of tears. 

"Shh (y/n). It's alright now. You don't have to worry about anything, alright? I'm here"

You smiled a little, grateful for the captain's gentle approach to the situation. 

"Want to talk about it?" He asked carefully but you declined. "Not now. I will, just... not now"

Rex nodded understandingly, and leaned closer to you, "Alright. I'll be here to listen to you. Just, please don't ever hurt yourself or think of hurting yourself, (y/n). We're here for you. Skywalker, Tano, me and the boys."

"When your ready, speak to us. I promise you we will be here." 

Small tears escaped your tired eyes as you stifled a tired yawn. Rex smiled softly and coaxed you to rest, promising that he would be at your side when you wake up. You gladly excepted. You didn't need him to talk much but having his presence there with you made you feel secure and safe and wanted. It made you feel protected that there were people who would be eager to comfort you and hear your cries and troubles. Rex watched your eyes close then he too joined in the sleep, resting his head against yours. You promised Rex you'd tell him all your worries when the morning comes and he agreed, not rushing you to talk your heart out now. He wanted you to rest to which you obliged happily. 

Pledging to yourself not to commit self-hurting acts and wanting to move on from the depressed feeling, all thanks to the captain.