Dead Poets Society Imagines/Preferences

Neil Perry (he/him pronouns)

TW/CW: This mentions Neil's suicide so if that makes you sad pls don't read! <3

I Never Told You

Being at an all boys school was tough enough, all the competitiveness of who comes from a better family or who could get more girls. Every walking second was a competition and if it wasn't then people were going to make it a competition.

Everyone had their thing, Neil had acting, Todd had poetry, Meeks and Pitts had their radio, Knox had a girlfriend, and Charlie will he had everything.

What did you have? A hopeless romantic heart and love to only one person; Neil Perry. Who also happens to be your best friend since primary school.

You have known Neil for so long but you never anticipated falling in love with him, but how couldn't you?

Neil is everything you wished you could be. He is handsome, popular, good with words, and head strong.

What were you? Shy, not popular, always hung your head low and always tried to avoid the social life. Is that really what you wanted to be known for? Neil's less attractive best friend? Someone that leeches onto him?

You wanted to be different, your own person, you wanted to do what you wanted to do but it was so hard. It was so hard to be yourself when everyone was constantly telling you to do something else.

You found comfort in Neil, in being Neil's shadow, however annoying it might've been, you found comfort in it.

Your friends would make fun of you for following Neil, for doing what Neil did. You didn't care, you loved Neil and Neil always just needed a friend by his side. You were that friend, always by his side through thick and thin, all the bright and dark parts of life.

You wanted to tell him, how much he meant to you, you were close to telling him.

Your hand on his cheek as you leaned in closer, his eyes beginning to close as your lips almost went on his. The moment was interrupted by a rustling sound that startled you both.

Neil laughed, "Must've been the wind." He stood up as you did too, looking into his brown eyes as he looked into your (e/c) ones.

"We should go back, they'll be worried," you whispered taking the lead in heading back.

How you regretted that moment, you'll probably regret it for the rest of your life. You didn't know that what Neil needed at that moment was you, your touch, your warmth, your kiss.

He wanted to stop you, he wanted to bring you back and kiss you. But his heart, it told him not to. His heart that beat faster and faster. His face pink, as the thought of you almost kissing him never left his mind.

The day of the play you went back stage where he was getting ready. You had sneaked in just to wish Neil luck.

"Good luck Neil, you'll be brilliant," you smiled and he blushed.

"I hope so," he shyly looked at the floor. He wanted to say something, but the words never formed.

"I should go back, good luck Neil," you waved good bye walking out his dressing room without knowing that it would be your last time seeing his smile, last time feeling his warmth.

You wished you could go back in time, back in time and kissed him longer, hugged him tighter, and told him all the things you felt about him.

You sat in the audience as the play began, Neil's performance was outstanding, it was amazing.

"He's good, he is really good," you grinned looking at Charlie who nodded smiling wider as he watched Neil.

The play approached its ending as Neil gave a small monologue at the end before the curtains covered him. He bowed as you all clapped, you had never seen Neil this happy before.