loucifer ✔

thirty six

[ i feel that i am stable enough to write this. ]

Louis fell asleep in the car to Harry singing multiple songs he hated listening to, he didn't have the energy to tell him to shut the fuck up like he wanted to.

It was now late evening and the couple sat in Harry's bed, back facing one another. It was a stupid idea to get things off Louis' chest, but it's the only way he knew how to.

games.

This one was simply called Nothing But Truth.

Louis admits something, Harry does the same.

"Okay, tell the truth and nothing but the truth, got it?" Harry asked, leaning back against Louis, who had his eyes closed.

"This isn't gonna end well.." Louis whispered to himself, closing his eyes.

"Louis."

"Y-yes, got it, I got it." Louis sighed, taking a deep breath.

"How many times have you cheated?" Harry asked, taking his lip between his teeth, scared to face the answer.

Louis sighed and shook his head, "twice." He said.

"With?" Harry's voice trembled, slightly looking back at his partner.

"..Ashton was one I guess, s'what you thought.." Louis said, looking down at his fingertips, always scared of a day like this.

The day things go sour.

"And Niall..Three times.." Louis shut his eyes tightly,"I kissed him the first time I saw him again..I was super happy to see him and it just happened."

"While I was outside the fucking door." Harry mumbled, clenching his fist so hard his knuckles went white.

"You said you weren't going to say anything." Louis reminded Harry quickly.

"Right." Harry scoffed with a soft chuckle.

"The second time he kissed me..I didn't respond to it though, I just didn't feel comfortable with it." Louis huffed, "Later that night he took me to the hotel he was staying at and the he- it wasn't supposed to happen- it's not supposed to be like that, he started it. He fucked me..and he didn't care how many times I told him how I had a boyfriend" Louis sighed, so disgusted at himself.

"This was a mistake..I should've never told you I wanted to date, I was never ready and I was so fucking stupid to not see that."

"That's what you think?" Harry mumbled, sucking on his bottom lip, staring at the wall.

"I'm sorry for everything Harry, you tried to fix a broken glass, but you kept getting cut, I was impossible to fix but you kept trying. I needed to love my own self before I let you say that you loved me. You don't love me, Harry."

"That's not true."

"You don't love me, Harry! You think you do, but you could have someone who's more committed to a real relationship than me. I told you I couldn't commit, you can't love people like me." Louis was unaware that he was crying, "I don't deserve anything from you, what am I gonna do with this baby?"

"You're gonna fucking keep it!" Harry shouted, causing Louis to jump up a slight bit.

"I can't keep it if we're not gonna be together.."

"You're breaking up with me now?" Harry whispered.

"It's a break-- just for a while until I'm ready." Louis said, sighing deeply, "your turn.." He whispered, wiping under his eyes where the last tear slid down.