Arizona ✦ Johnson

Nineteen - Final Chapter

"So I guess this is it, huh?" I was biting on my lip and she was finishing zipping her bag. She lowered her head, and I heard her take a deep breath before she turned around to face me. "You leave...and it's all over."

"Just come with me, it'll be so much easier," she grabbed my hands and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"You know I can't."

"But why? What's here? What's holding you back? There's a whole world out there, but you choose to stay here? I thought you loved me, and would go anywhere with me."

"What's here? My family is here! My life is here, Ari! I can't just up and leave. It may be easy for you."

"What's easy for me?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Abandoning everything. You leave behind your mom, your friends, your family, your responsibilities. Me..." I looked down at the carpet in her bedroom. I heard her scoff and I looked back up. She was fighting back the tears in the ducts of her eyes. Her eyes were becoming glassy, and her face muscles were all tensing up. "You run away. You ran away from life by taking this crazy road trip, you run away from Sam by throwing your phone off a balcony, and now you're running away from growing up, becoming an adult and getting your life together. God, you drag me on some insane 'adventure' to make me fall in love with you, then you drop the bomb that you're leaving and run away from me too! You're afraid of commitment!"

"You think this is easy for me?" She raised her voice and I gulped. "You have no idea, Jack. My dad and my grandma were my best friends. When my dad died a part of me died too. When I lost my grandma-" she started to get choked up and she put her hand over her mouth while tears rolled from her eyes. "-when I lost my grandma what was left of me died with her, too. I'm scared, Jack. I'm so scared, and this is all I know. I feel at peace, and like I'm worth something when I'm away from here. This town, and this house is infested with their scent, with memories of them, with their presence. I feel like I'm drowning when I'm here. I'm not running away from you, I would never do that. I'm being haunted by memories, and I just want to get away from all of it. It's not easy for me."

With tears in my eyes, and a tremble in my voice I begged her to stay. "I'm sorry. I just want you to stay. Please be with me, without you I'll have nothing. You're everything to me, and I need you to breathe. I need you to see the sun, and the moon. I need you so I can wake up in the morning."

"I love you," she whispered while kissing my cheek. I was a mess and she was drowning in her own tears. "I love you so much. You're the greatest thing to ever come into my life. And everything has been pretty shitty for awhile now, but with you it's not. Thank you."

The room was silent for awhile, and we stood on opposite sides of the room. I was searching for the right words to say but I was at a complete loss. I could tell she was too, and it hurt even more to know that our final minutes together would be deathly silent.

"I should probably go before I miss my flight," she said while grabbing her luggage from her bed. She walked over to me and snaked her arms around my neck, and cried into my chest. "You're going to be amazing. You'll go to college, make something of yourself, and be so successful. You'll forget all about me," she smiled, but it was a sad smile with so much pain behind it. I knew she didn't want me to forget about her, and I knew that I would never be able to. "And who knows, maybe those little videos you make with Gilinsky will put you in the big leagues like all of those other people. How about that, huh? Girls screaming for you, begging to hug you and touch you. You'll forget all about me in no time," she laughed lightly and I forced a pained smile.

"None of those things will ever happen," I shook my head and kissed her forehead. "Ari, I love-"

"No, it'll be so much easier if we don't say that," she shook her head and pushed herself away from me. "It'll be easier if we let go." Suddenly the air turned into ice, and my blood began to boil. I felt like my lungs were melting and I could no longer breathe. What did she mean? To let go, and pretend like none of this ever happened would be more than impossible. "Goodbye, Jack," she kissed my cheek.