North Star

1. Dead or Alive?

Where am I? Why can't I move? Why does it smell like something died?

So many questions form in my head, each one left unanswered.

I continue to rack my brain and come to random conclusions of what happened to me and whether I am alive or not.

I feel alive, I think? My lungs are moving, inhaling and exhaling, subtly; I wish I could breathe more but my chest feels too weak and heavy at the same time that I can't get a full breath.

I think I'm able to feel my body; not sure about that one either cause I just feel like lead, heavy and still.

I try to move. I think I succeeded? I think my finger is twitching.

Not even a full minute has passed, or maybe a few seconds? Hours? Days? Not sure, but all of a sudden I can feel something.

Am I officially dead now since I no longer feel cold? I am warm. Whatever it is, I feel warm. I felt cold for a little while, as if pressed against a cold and wet cement floor. Now there's something warm, and I am 100% willing for it to be closer and warm the rest of my body.

The warmth spreads and I relish in it. After warming myself a bit, I should try to speak and say I'm warm enough, but before I can even attempt to, the warmth starts turning up a bit. Then a bit more. Then I am on fire. I scream, I think.

What the actual Hell? I thought.

Hell is exactly where I think I am, as of right now.

It's too hot here. I'm so much more preferring the cold wet cement floor right now.

Someone put out the damn fire!

The fire worsens and I am left paralyzed, unable to do anything about it, only to writhe in physical, quiet, agony.

*

After a long time, the pain is still continuous, the fire is still there, igniting every cell from my head to my toes off. But I've grown somewhat accustomed to it that I'm able to think a little clearly. It seemed like years have gone by, if it had, does me being able to finally think and understand through this pain mean I'm done with my punishment?

I feel somewhat in control of my body, but at the same time it felt like my body wasn't my own. I want to move but I don't know if I'm doing it correctly. I want to say something, maybe some being will listen to me, but I don't know how to do that either.

Focusing back on my body I recall that there was a pain somewhere on my body and it is soon dulled and, I'm guessing, healed? That relief is soon short-lived because fire replaces that dullness and takes over. 

I don't know what to think about anything. What is real or not, what is up or down. I don't even know if I'm laying down or floating. All I know is that I can think and try and understand my surroundings. Yeah, I'll do that, paying attention to anything is better than paying attention to the pain.

I can't focus on all the pain, so I'll focus on one thing at a time. I need to stay calm.

I'm tempted to open my eyes, but I don't know if I can and don't want to push myself through it, something so simple to any human, so I keep them shut for the time being and think.

Okay. So moral of the story: I'm not dead. I don't think death would actually feel like this, unless it does then I've been scammed. I thought death was supposed to be peaceful and painless.

Okay, first, what do I remember about myself? First, my name is Cristal Flores. I am 19 years old, born May 28, 2002. I was born in California. I currently live in Seattle, Washington. I have a scholarship to the University of Washington. I am the daughter of Camila and Emmanuel Flores. I have three siblings; Sofia, Aileen and Nicolas, we call him Nico for short. I have a brother-in-law, Liam, who is married to Sofia. Aileen has a boyfriend, Nathan. Still not too sure about him since he's new. My parents, Aileen and Nic still live in California. Sofia and Liam live in Colorado and I lived with them for a little while but moved because of my scholarship to Washington. Um...Oh! I have an ex-boyfriend now, Lewis. I have a best friend, Margo, who currently lives in Arizona. She goes to Northern Arizona University. I've been meaning to tell her everything about Lewis but only told her little bits and pieces about him. I haven't told anyone about Lewis except for her. What else?